A Broken Heart That's Still Beating

[Killian Jones]

if the heart can be

BROKEN MEANS IT STILL WORKS

Hook was currently drowning his sorrows with the aid of a bottle of rum. This was not a rare occurrence. While the captain had always enjoyed rum, he did not drink for the pleasure of it this past little while. He drank, to help him forget. To help him cope with the seeming unbearable pain of her. Milah. His beloved Milah. The first woman he had ever loved, and whom he believed to be the last. She had opened up a whole new part of his heart that he hadn't even been aware existed. The Dark One might as well have ripped out Killian's heart too and crushed it that day for losing Milah felt just as painful.

No. Worse. For one could not feel when they were dead. Plus, death could have reunited them. Killian was not exactly suicidal; his reason for living now was vengeance. He would devote his life to seeking revenge against the Dark One. It started with finding a way to kill him. And in order to do that, Killian needed to spend as much time as possible finding out what weapon could be used. Which led them to their most recent journey to a tavern which was rumored to frequent a merchant who could provide information about what he needed. For Neverland was another realm not so easily traveled.

But alas, his mind was not on the mission right now. He was sitting on a chair in his quarters, slouched, clutching a near empty rum bottle -- and it was far from his first. And he still did not feel the effects of it. He wanted everything to be numbed so he didn't have to feel anything or relive the moment when she died. Night was the most difficult. For all the time he had been with her, he had never slept alone. And now, his bed felt colder than ever. Sleep evaded him, but nor did he have the strength to distract himself with steering or doing other work on the ship.

He wanted to be alone, for the only one who was capable of soothing this pain, was her. And she was never returning to him. She was gone. And Killian did not know how to live with that. He raised his handless arm, eying the hook that he had used to replace it. Damn him. Damn Rumplestiltskin. The anger began to build inside Killian -- or Hook as his name was starting to become -- and he began to tremble with rage. The angrily threw the rum bottle in a fit of rage against the wall, causing it shatter into pieces.

He needed more. More to ease the pain. He then reached for another bottle, bringing it to his lips and using his teeth to pull out the cork, spitting it to the ground and then taking a rather large swig of the beverage. With any luck, he would fall unconscious soon from the over consumption of this drink. But one could only hope.

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[Katalina Watson]

How can I help you To say goodbye, it's okay to hurt and it's okay to cry  let me hold you  I will try ### WORDS TAG Killian OUFITlink BLABLA

. Katalina Leila Watson was giving Killian his space, standing outside and watching where the ship sailed. She knew what it felt like to lose the person you were in love with, and knew that she had wanted to be alone shortly after losing Reese, but where she didn't get that after the occurrence, she'd allow Killian to. So she'd stay away from his quarters when he retired. Katalina's thoughts went to Milah and that crazy man that had killed her. Her husband, she thought. She had liked Milah, and thought that what she and Killian had had been something made out of true love. They truly did love each other, and for the man to have ripped the whole thing apart was devastating. She was sure that that man would pay for what he'd done. It had been a while since Kat saw Killian and so she decided that he had enough time to mourn by himself. He should have someone he can lean on, and Kat decided that she would be it. She stepped away and walked in Killian's quarters, ignoring the protests of his men. Inside, she glanced around, her heart hurting for him. Kat found Killian with a bottle of rum, and that didn't surprise her in the slightest. She would have done the same thing in his position, really. She sat next to him, not saying a word. She knew that sometimes having someone there helped numb the pain. Maybe even seeing who would get more drunk faster. She didn't suggest anything though, and kept quiet, knowing that he'd know why she was there.

HAYANA OF CAUTION 2.0

[Killian Jones]

if the heart can be

BROKEN MEANS IT STILL WORKS

Hook hardly looked at the door when it opened and someone approached. The dimly lit room revealed enough of the figure for Hook to know who it was, even without glancing at the person who casually entered without knocking. Petite; light footsteps. It was Katalina.

Few could get away with entering so boldly, and she was indeed one of them. He was well aware of why she was here. Offering comfort in her company. Hook was beyond that though; he was beyond any hope of being comforted. Nothing that anybody did could ease the pain of this loss. Yet he was also quite aware that she of all people was familiar with the feeling, for she too had loved and lost. He remained silent, not turning his head even when she moved to sit next to him. Were words really necessary?

He was not going to pretend nor put on a false face. What use was there in lying? What would the purpose be in acting like everything was alright when it wasn't? She had been on the crew long enough to know him and the long term effect -- perhaps permanent one -- that this would have on him. His gaze remained fixated on nothing in particular apart from being directed in front of him. He wanted the rum to numb everything in his heart and soul, and he would keep drinking until he reached that level. But of course, now he had some company. He wordlessly held the bottle out toward her, not even looking her way while making this silent offer.

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[Katalina Watson]

How can I help you To say goodbye, it's okay to hurt and it's okay to cry  let me hold you  I will try ### WORDS TAG Killian OUFITlink BLABLA

. Katalina truly hated seeing her friend this way, and she knew exactly what he was feeling. She'd felt it before, and it took her a long time to numb the pain. Though she knew the pain never truly went away. The rum he was drinking would numb it for a while, but once the effects wore off, it'd hit him again full force. She'd give anything to take his pain for him. Kat knew that there was no right way to deal with this pain, and she knew that Killian wanted to get back at the man that had taken his hand and his love from him, and she would help in any way that he wanted her to; in this, she would listen. It may come to a shock to him that she'd be willing to actually listen to what he tells her to do, but she'd do it. She wanted to let him know this, but she didn't think now was the time to bring it up. When Killian handed over the rum to Kat, she simply took a small sip and handed it back. As much as it pained her to see him this way, he was in much more pain than she was, and he needed the alcohol more. Still, she did not speak, as she didn't know what she could say to comfort him. Even she knew he was beyond that now. She just wanted him to know that he still had someone there that cared for him. He was the only person that Kat cared about anymore, and suffice it to say, he would be the only one that she cared about. Yes, pirates will choose themselves over anyone else if push comes to shove and she even expected Killian to be the same way, but she wasn't like that. Killian would be the one she'd choose to save if it came to either him or her. They may give each other a hard time, but in truth, he was her only friend. Which was why she was here. "You don't have to slow down your drinking because I'm here, Killian." She broke the silence with her voice soft, but that would be the only thing she'd say if he still did not speak. She knew exactly how he felt, and it killed her inside that she could do nothing about it.

HAYANA OF CAUTION 2.0

[Killian Jones]

if the heart can be

BROKEN MEANS IT STILL WORKS

She took the bottle and had a small sip before passing it back to him. She then broke the silence by assuring him that he did not have to ease his drinking due to her presence. He wasn't sure if he would or wouldn't. He only knew that it was the only thing that had a slight chance of allowing him to temporarily forget everything. He remained silent, taking another large swig of the beverage.

Katalina had been one of the few people who had managed to tap into whatever semblance of humanity he had left; fragments of the man he once was before embracing a life of piracy. It had been the incident at the bar all that time ago. Milah was the second who had allowed him to feel something other than greed and similar emotions that consumed a pirate's being. He doubted he would ever feel that again for another.

"Likewise," he told her, offering her the bottle again. For he had noticed that she had taken only a small sip of the drink, and he didn't want her to feel like she too had to slow her drinking because of him. He knew why she was here. Moral support. Words were not even needed. It once again revealed how well Katalina knew Killian.

"Besides, it's bad form to be the only one drinking when someone else is present," he added in a somber voice. His words, ordinarily spoken with jest, teasing and sarcasm, lacked such emotions even if the content implied that they were somewhat of a joke. He lacked the strength to put up a front. And he didn't feel the need to do so in front of her. She knew him well, and he had nothing to hide from her. Nor did he even want to. Had he concerned himself with what she thought of him, he would have dismissed her. But the bond they developed throughout the years, made him far closer to her than that.

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[Katalina Watson]

How can I help you To say goodbye, it's okay to hurt and it's okay to cry  let me hold you  I will try ### WORDS TAG Killian OUFITlink BLABLA

. Katalina had met many people in her life, and she had never bothered to get close to very many. She didn't foresee becoming close with Killian, especially with the way their friendship had started out, but somehow the bond they had was unlike any other she'd seen. She wouldn't trade it for the world. Right now, what she wanted to do was to get rid of his pain, and she couldn't even do that. She felt utterly useless at this point, but she wouldn't admit to it. When Killian handed her the bottle again, she took a bigger drink. At his next statement, Kat forced a small smile, but it didn't reach her eyes, for she knew that he didn't have very much feeling other than pain now. She eyed his hook, and damn the Dark One for what he did. Leaving Killian with the memory of all he'd lost. She knew that his nickname was forever to be "Hook" to a lot of people, but to her, it would always be Killian. What he used as a hand would never be who he was. It was just...part of him. Katalina felt useless in another sort; that she couldn't stop what had been done. She knew that nobody could have foreseen what occurred, but it wasn't fair to rip someone away from someone else just because they were in love and she wasn't faithful to the one she didn't love.   Forcing herself out of her thoughts, Katalina handed the bottle back. "There's an exception to every rule, Killian. You need it more than I do. Probably want it just about the same right now. If we need to get more, I'll get more."

HAYANA OF CAUTION 2.0

[Killian Jones]

if the heart can be

BROKEN MEANS IT STILL WORKS

She took the bottle as offered, and then passed it back to him, stating that every rule had its exception. And that he needed the drink more than she did. That was probably true. There were of course many reasons for drinking -- most of Killian's reasons had been to enjoy himself. But this time, the past several times . . . ever since the day she died in fact, he had drank to forget and to prevent himself from feeling. Forcing himself to fall into darkness and then dreading when the sun came up. The only motivation he had to move as the need for revenge which had consumed whatever was left of his soul and heart. But once he had claimed that . . . he had no idea what would come next.

More. Aye. He would probably need more. He was nearly done this bottle and he was still conscious. How unfortunate. He turned his head to look at her, unsure what emotion was behind his gaze. In his grief stricken state, his mind searched for something that resembled Milah. No one had been like her, and he knew he was not thinking clearly. But it was the hair. Yes. Her long, dark, hair looked similar to his Milah's. Killian turned his head away from Katalina, and back forward, continuing to stare at nothing in particular. "What I need, is to quench my thirst for vengeance," he stated in a low, firm voice. "Until then, not even all the drink in the world will satisfy me." Rum provided an outlet each night, but his obsession for revenge dominated him. As did his devastation over losing Milah.

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[Katalina Watson]

How can I help you To say goodbye, it's okay to hurt and it's okay to cry  let me hold you  I will try ### WORDS TAG Killian OUFITlink BLABLA

. Katalina didn't move when Killian finally looked at her. She wondered what he was thinking at that moment, but she knew better than to ask. The man was in pain, and that was a lack of better term on her part. She wanted the man dead that had killed Milah, but she knew that Killian wanted that even more so than her. As tempted as she would be to kill that man on sight, she'd stop herself because that was for Killian to do. Maybe she'd kick him where it hurt most, but she wouldn't kill this Rumple person. "What I need, is to quench my thirst for vengeance," he stated, and she just looked at him for a moment. "Until then, not even all the drink in the world will satisfy me." Yes, she definitely knew the feeling to that, and whereas she couldn't drink her life away after Reese got killed, she'd allow Killian this. He'd been through too much, in her opinion, to be denied otherwise. Katalina wasn't entirely sure what to do at this point, so when Killian was finished with the bottle he was on, she opened another one and handed it over. "That bastard will pay for what he's done, by your hands. And I will help in any way that I can, I promise you." If there was anything Katalina thought she was good for, it was keeping her promises to those that mattered to her. And Killian definitely mattered. He mattered a lot.

HAYANA OF CAUTION 2.0

[Killian Jones]

if the heart can be

BROKEN MEANS IT STILL WORKS

She took notice of his empty bottle and ensured he didn't have to suffer without drink long, for she opened another and handed it to him. He took it from her, giving a slight nod of appreciation as he took a long swig of the beverage. He could feel his inhibitions lowering; it seemed the rum was finally taking effect. She spoke of how he would pay for what he's done, and she promised to help however she could. Hook appreciated, he truly did. But he was not in the best mindset to express this gratitude. He only hoped she knew him well enough to understand that. Perhaps in the morning, he would feel differently. But right now . . . being sentimental by expressing gratitude was not exactly easily done.

"You mean hand," he corrected, slightly raising his hook, in response to her words about how The Dark one would die by his hand. "Said bastard, only left me with one," he added with a strained smirk. Where a smirk so easily appeared on Killian's lips previously, not today. Not tonight. Not recently. Taking another few large gulps of the rum, he glanced over at her, finding her to look rather . . . no. Whatever was going through his mind was due to the alcohol flowing through his system and causing sense to start diminishing. "You should go to sleep," he told her, forcing himself not to look at her for he couldn't trust himself right now. Best he could do was send her off to her quarters, away from him.

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[Katalina Watson]

How can I help you To say goodbye, it's okay to hurt and it's okay to cry  let me hold you  I will try ### WORDS TAG Killian OUFITlink BLABLA

. Katalina could never fathom how anyone could be so cruel; but this was only the second time she'd ever seen anyone be cruel. First, her father, and now this ugly-scaly asshole. It was truly beginning to piss her off. Not because it affected her, but it affected Killian. And he was the only friend she had, the only person she could trust. Kat glanced at the hook that replaced Killian's hand and nodded slightly at his correction. "That hook can be killer, though." And that was definitely true. She would never want to be on the other end of that hook. Yes, it seemed that the nickname was going to stick, but the only nickname that she would ever use was 'Cap'n.' Now didn't seem the time to be using the nickname, so she called him Killian. Knowing Killian rather well by now, Kat knew that he appreciated her sentiment, and she was vowing by it. She knew what it felt like to want vengeance, but not how it felt to accomplish it. Maybe Killian would get that luxury, and she'd be happy for him when he did. Though when the captain told her that she should probably go to sleep, Katalina shook her head. "I can't sleep right now."  With how much she worried about the man, she definitely couldn't even attempt to sleep. She set a hand on his arm, squeezing gently. "I want to do something for you. Anything. I hate what that mad man did, but he did. Let me stay, so you don't have to face the pain alone."

HAYANA OF CAUTION 2.0

[Killian Jones]

if the heart can be

BROKEN MEANS IT STILL WORKS

She told him that the his hook can be killer, and while she was certainly right about that, The Dark One proved to be the exception. For Killian had stabbed him with the hook, however it didn't affect him in the least. Which was precisely why Killian was on this mission for revenge; surely, there had to be a way to kill the Dark

One. And he would not rest until he found that way, and carried it out. She told him that she couldn't sleep at the moment. That seemed to be something they had in common then. He took another large drink, pausing when he felt her hand on his arm. He looked at her arm, knowing that the alcohol was heightening whatever started to stir inside of him at the physical contact.

His eyes slowly went from her hand to her face, hearing how she wanted to do something -- anything -- for him, expressing her hatred for what The Dark One did . . . and that he didn't have to face the pain alone. He paused for a few moments, a slight though far from jovial smile curving on his lips. "And what exactly can you do for me tonight?" He questioned, a strong tone of suggestiveness in his voice for he was not being subtle about it.

Perhaps once the rum wore off in the morning, he would regret even speaking to her this way. But right now, he didn't care. He began to lean toward her, cocking his head to the side a little. "What are you willing to do?" He further questioned. Perhaps part of her was trying to drive her away with his suggestive remarks . . . the other part of him wasn't thinking that much about it, for he seemed to have lost his ability to think. It was all clouded in the effects of rum, devastation and anger: a deadly combination.

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[Katalina Watson]

How can I help you To say goodbye, it's okay to hurt and it's okay to cry ;let me hold you I will try ### WORDS TAG Killian OUFITlink BLABLA

. Katalina should have known that she might open Pandora's Box by touching his arm, but she really wanted to do something for him that would help him momentarily forget about his loss. She wasn't quite sure what that was, but they could figure out something, that she was sure of. "And what exactly can you do for me tonight?" The suggestion in his voice didn't go unnoticed, and Katalina thought about backing out right then, but what friend would she be if she offered to do something and then backed out? It would seem to be a big "Screw you" and she certainly didn't want him to think that of her. "What is it you want me to do?" she asked. Killian came closer to Katalina with his head tilted, and she didn't move away from him. She knew that the rum in his system was beginning to affect him, but she didn't want him to feel worse in the morning if he made a move of some sort and she turned him down. It would probably be bad enough that they were in this situation to begin with. The smarter thing to do would have gone to bed when he'd told her to sleep. But what Katalina told him about not being able to sleep was the truth. Her mind would have made her feel guilty for not being there for the pirate captain that had been there for her since that bar fight. "Killian, you know that I would do anything for you. I'm willing to do anything that you want me to do."

HAYANA OF CAUTION 2.0

[Killian Jones]

if the heart can be

BROKEN MEANS IT STILL WORKS

She returned his question with another question. There was too much talking. Too much room to think. And he didn't want that anymore. He gave a slight scoff at her words and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes as he continued to let the rum consume his mind, wanting it to hinder all though and emotion -- which it seemed to be doing an effective job of. But that didn't make him stop drinking as he took another swig. She asked him the very question he had asked her and then went on to say that she was willing to do anything for him. He knew that. She had proved her loyalty to him and had become part of the crew.

But right now, he wasn't making implications of what she could do as a part of his crew; he was making them of what she could do as a woman. She either missed the point, or was deflecting from it. "I never knew you to be that naive," he stated, knowing once again that it was the rum taking over but he did nothing to try and control it. He was far too grief stricken to try to guard his words, which had been the point of drinking -- and getting drunk -- to begin with. And why he had told her to go to go to bed, because he was slowly losing grip of rationality.

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[Katalina Watson]

How can I help you To say goodbye, it's okay to hurt and it's okay to cry ;let me hold you I will try ### WORDS TAG Killian OUFITlink BLABLA

. Katalina watched him as he retreated back from her, and she knew that that should have been a good thing, and she should just leave it be. Let him think she was naive at what he was asking. Don't get offended and rock the boat. That's what she kept telling herself. However, she couldn't seem to stop herself. "I'm not. I know what it is you're asking, I just want to be sure it's really what you want." Katalina leaned back next to him, thinking of giving him another chance to back out. She knew that it sometimes helped with a rebound, but she didn't know what he'd feel in the morning. "If it's not what you want, just say so now and I'll leave. If it is, then tell me so. I am here for you, so the decision is up to you." With that, she quieted down. She didn't want to push him into anything  rash, though with the rum he drank, he might have already done that himself.

HAYANA OF CAUTION 2.0

[Killian Jones]

if the heart can be

BROKEN MEANS IT STILL WORKS

She claimed that she knew what he was asking, and stated that she had wanted to make sure it was what he had wanted. What he wanted, was for Milah to be alive. What he wanted, as to kill the Dark One. What he wanted, was not to feel like his own heart had been ripped and crushed yet somehow, he kept living in this hell of a world. Yes. That was what he wanted. He had never known loss could be so painful . . . so what he wanted, was to forget. As much as he could anyway. She seemed to be intent on ensuring that he was alright with this, when she was the one who should be questioning whether she was alright with it. "Use your own judgment," he told her in a low voice, taking another sip. After all, she was the sober one . . . he was not. If anyone would have better judgment in this situation, it would be her.

But he didn't fail to notice how she leaned next to him once again. He turned his head to look at her, hearing her words though his intoxicated mind wasn't fully processing them. Everything soon became replaced with lust and desire. When she finished her words, he waited a few moments, his eyes falling to her lips as he looked at her intently, lust strong in his gaze uncaring of subtlety at this point. "What I want . . . does not involve words." And with that, he leaned forward and closed the distance between them, his lips pressing against hers. Never would he thought he would do this. She was after all, part of the crew. But tonight, rationality and logic evaded him. He deepened the kiss, the rum bottle falling from his hand to the ground as he used his now free hand to move to the back of her head, and press her closer to him.

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