Just give me a reason

[Killian Jones]

in the pain

THERE IS HEALING

She may claim that he had nothing to apologize for, but he knew he did. He shouldn't have done that. He needed to better control his emotions, for it would only hurt everyone in the end if he let his feelings cloud his judgment. Something he never thought he need worry about in such an unexpected circumstance. She went on to say that they were in a very strange place, not only pertaining to their emotions but also . . . in terms of their physical location. He watched her eye the remote, and he gave an ever so slight smile, though it was far from happy. Things were, strange between them.

But she was still Milah. They had been through so much together, sailing the open sea, embarking on adventures, and finding companionship and love with each other. "There is a lot in this world that is radically different from what we're used to, love," he began to tell her. He knew how overwhelming it could be. But he couldn't imagine how overwhelming all of this was for her. Her next words were spoken with sound logic, and he gave a small not in both agreement and understanding. He watched her as she took a seat, and he too did the same, pulling a chair up so that he was seated in front of her, but enough distance between them.

Where to start indeed. "I suppose there are certain others you are wondering about," he began to say, wishing he could spare her the news of her son. "For starters, The Dark One was banished from this town. Many believed he had reformed to a better man, but he was exposed for what he truly is." By his wife. "He poses no threat to us." To her, since he had killed her once before. So he wanted to at least put her mind to ease that her former husband would not be a danger to them.

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The two of them reached an understanding that no matter how much they wanted to pounce at each other, that they had to keep their heads clear. Anything else would be dangerous territory. As the two of them sat down to talk, he explained that things were radically different. She already witnessed that...she had no idea what half of the things in the room were. Still though, she'd keep an open mind. "I'm still getting used to the light in the room without seeing candles lit all over.." she mused, allowing her eyes to drift around the area. When he started speaking again, about people this time, she focused her attention on to him again. This was probably an important subject.. she needed to know who all was here. If Killian was here, surely there would be others.



Sure enough, he mentioned the Dark One, and she tensed up. She had her hands resting on her legs, so at the thought of him, she clutched her knee caps. Her jaw un-clenched when he spoke of how he had been banished. It served him right..however this posed more questions to her. "So, if he's been banished..then my coming back had nothing to do with him.." She spoke out loud, mostly to herself, but to Killian as well. "Now i'm even more confused." A small sigh eased past her lips, and she sat silent for a moment, contemplating things. "I can't imagine you were one of the people who he fooled.. I imagine you knew the entire time, didn't you?" She asked with a small smile. Suddenly, it was like a rush of memories hit her. Her lashes fluttered, and she reached out, capturing Killian's hands. "Baelfire.." she spoke with tears suddenly filling her eyes.

"If The Dark One was  here, where is Bae? Has he come to this land too?" Her voice was trembling. Filled with hope that she'd be able to see her son again. 

[Killian Jones]

in the pain

THERE IS HEALING

She spoke of how she was still getting used to just the light, and he knew that was only the start. But there would be time to explain that, and show her that. Then again . . . he had no idea what the conditions of her return were. Whether she was here for good, or only for a limited time. Either way, there were other pressing things that she needed to know about, and now was the time to say them. Besides, as difficult as it would be for her to learn some truths, he wanted her to hear it from him. She pointed out that his banishment meant that her return was not his doing. "Unfortunately, he is not the only villain among us." Killian knew of other villains, but not who would do this.

Besides, they had a habit of popping out of no where . . . Pan, Zelena, Ingrid . . . this town was certainly filled with them, but one less they need concern themselves with now that the Crocodile was gone. She commented on how Rumple wouldn't have had Killian fooled and he gave a slight smirk, knowing it would be stronger had the circumstances not been what they were. "Right you are," he confirmed. "But alas, I was powerless to do anything to stop him. He was caught by the others and dealt with accordingly." Just in the nick of time too, as the monster was about to crush his heart. The first time he had been that close to doing so . . . Milah had intervened. And it had cost her her life. Or so he thought. She then spoke the name that would be hardest to explain the fate of. Bae. Killian's eyes fell to their joined hands, as he lightly squeezed hers while he spoke, answering her question. "Aye," he began, confirming that Baelfire had indeed come.

"He was here for a time but . . . Milah, I'm so sorry. He passed." Killian forced his eyes to hers, the sadness of losing him evident in his eyes as well. "He died a hero," Killian added, not sure if that made it any better or not. He couldn't imagine the loss of a son, especially knowing how much Milah loved hers. "But his legacy lives on, for he had a son. And the boy is with us here." And of course, the mother just happened to be the woman he was in love with, but he hoped the knowledge of being a grandmother would provide the remotest bit of joy, amidst this tragic news.

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Milah felt her heart swelling with hope the moment that Killian had said that Baelfire had been there. She wanted to hurry out of the room to find him right away! But just as she was about to burst with joy, she could feel herself deflating. He was dead.. her son. Her only child was..gone. She suddenly felt her eyes stinging, signaling that she was about to cry - again. Tears started to roll down her cheeks as she attempted to process everything. He died a hero. Years and years had past, so he had to have been an adult by now...which is why Killian's next statement didn't confuse her as much as it would have had she not known that Baelfire had grown in to a man. "A son..." she muttered. "He had a son?" she tried to smile through her tears. "I'm a grandmother?" 

This would have probably startled her more - to be a grandmother so young - if she weren't in complete shock..but to learn that her son had passed on, but was survived by a son made her heart warm once again. "Then Bae found love..." she spoke, smiling from ear to ear. "I can't wait to meet my grandson.. and my daughter in law." She assumed that Baelfire had been married to the woman that he had a son with.. but of course she knew nothing about this world. Everything was so different though, that she wouldn't have been surprised if there was a twist she hadn't been expecting. 

[Killian Jones]

in the pain

THERE IS HEALING

Killian saw the tears in her eyes and wished he could do something to help ease the pain of losing her son. He slightly leaned forward, gently brushing away a few tears with his thumb as she let the news sink in that she was a grandmother. Focusing on the positive; a good idea indeed. "Aye," he said with a small, soft smile when she vocalized that she was a grandmother. Funny how that all worked. And her next words were leading to . . . well, another complicated explanation.

"His name is Henry," Hook continued. "He's a fine young lad." Hook had no idea how this was going to be explained to Henry, or anyone else for that matter. The poor boy had relatives popping out left, right, and center. Her next words about Bae finding love caused the smile to fade from Killian's lips, and his hand to slowly fall from her cheek, as did his gaze. She wanted to not only meet her grandson, but also . . . her daughter in law. And well, it wasn't quite as traditional as she may think.

"Her name is Emma Swan," Killian began to explain, recalling that he never gave the name of the woman he loved to Milah. Not yet anyway, but that was going to soon change. "She is the daughter of Snow White and Prince James. She's also what many know to be as the Savior. She's Sheriff of Storybrooke and . . . " Killian forced his eyes to meet Milah's, knowing he couldn't cower out of his next statement. "She's the woman I fell in love with."

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Milah's mind and heart were swimming in a whirlpool of both happiness and sadness. She would mourn Baelfire as a mother would, but for now, she had to let everything sink in. Currently, Killian was telling her about her grandson who's name was Henry. "Henry," she repeated with a smile..a smile that grew even larger when Killian spoke of how he was a fine young lad. Of course  he was! Bae was as well when he was young. No doubt he looked just like his father.. she couldn't wait to see him. However, when Killian spoke of Henry's mother, he sounded a little..strange. Emma Swan, he had called her, and she was..well, then..she was a princess. Her Baelfire had a child with a princess! "Bae and a Princess?" she cooed. "Well now I've heard everything!" 

But then Killian spoke again. He looked in to her eyes with a look that she hadn't seen in a long time, and he revealed that Emma was the woman he fell in love with. Her eyes just locked on to his, and her jaw dropped. "I stand corrected..." Okay..so things had gotten strange involving time, and other dimensions..clearly a full story was in order.. but this was definitely something that she wasn't expecting. "You.." she started, moving her mouth even though nothing had come out of it for a good ten seconds. "You're in love with the mother of my son's child? Killian, you do realize that if things had worked out differently than she could have possibly been like a daughter in law to you!" She stood up, and placed both hands on her head. "So you're saying that..that what? You've been a father figure to my grandson?! While my son is lying cold in the ground?!" she rounded on him with eyes like fire. Clearly, all of her emotions that she tried to bottle in, were now coming out in full force. The flood gates were officially open. "Do you have any idea how horrible this sounds, Killian Jones?!"

[Killian Jones]

in the pain

THERE IS HEALING

Though she smiled upon hearing that her son had a son with a princess, he knew the reaction would be short lived. What he didn't know, was exactly how she would react. That is, until the words came out and he saw her immediate change in expression and tone. She spoke of how if things had been different, then Emma could have been his daughter in law. The thought was indeed disturbing, but ever since his second trip to Neverland . . . well, his lack of aging made this possible. Still, he understood her anger at him, though he hated seeing her so. It pained him to know that he was the cause of it, and the way she looked at him, the tone she spoke with him in, caused a strong ache in his heart. What could he possibly say? Nothing.

Because there was nothing he could say or do to make this better. He couldn't apologize for being in love with Emma. But . . . he could apologize for hurting Milah. For the way things had turned out. But not for falling for Swan. "We can't control who we fall in love with, Milah," he said in a quiet and soft voice. He hoped she understood, considering that the two of them had fallen in love, despite her marital status. But, he was also quite aware that this was a lot to take in . . . and that she had a right to be angry with him. Her words about him being a father figure to Henry, while Bae was lying cold in the ground . . . that left Killian's heart filled with pained emotions upon hearing her words. The weight of them were great. He loved Baelfire, he saw him as a saw for quite some time . . . and he loved him, because he was Milah's child. Hell, they were going to take him with them when he was old enough to sail. Killian swallowed, feeling his throat was painfully dry as her words rung over and over in his mind. He couldn't even look at her in this moment.

Even while she stood with her eyes on him, even when she told him how horrible this was. He remained silent for several moments, his heart pained with the reality of her words. No one had ever said them to him before, and hearing them come from Milah . . . well, he obviously valued everything she said to him, which was why it hurt so much to hear the truth. But he knew he deserved it. Of course he did. "I didn't betray him," Killian began to say, his voice soft and low, filled with emotion as were the next words that followed. He rose to his feet, looking at her, his eyes pleading . . . no begging her to understand. But it may be too much to ask, at least for right now while everything was just being revealed. "I loved Bae, Milah," he began to say. "I loved him because he was yours. And I would do anything to bring him back." With all of Neal's ties to people here . . . and now with Milah's return, Killian would trade places with him in an instant.

"I could never take his place in Emma or Henry's, or anyone else's life." He knew that the pain over his loss was becoming more and more evident in his tone of voice. When they had returned from Neverland, Hook had agreed to back off, allowing Neal and Emma to try and work things out. He loved them both enough to do that."I can't ask you to forgive me, but I need you to believe that I would never betray him or disrespect his memory." He took a small step toward her, unsure if she would back away from him . . . and once again, entirely understanding if she did. This wasn't exactly easy to process and he doubted he was making anything better. "I loved him," he repeated. "And if fate had been kind to us, I would have treated him as my own, proud to call him my son." If she had not been killed, if they had been able to take him with them . . . even if Bae had not wanted to get away from him when he was young . . . or more simply put, as Milah said, if things had worked out differently.

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It was just all so much for Milah to take in. She didn't want to be angry. She didn't want to be lashing out at Killian.. but how was she supposed to take all of this news? It was a new world, filled with new challenges. She knew that he had spoken harshly, but she had  no idea what to think, or how to feel. Instead of giving in to the anger that may or may not have really been there, she merely listened to his pleas. He had explained that he couldn't help who he fell in love with. She understood that.. She had been in the same position with Killian a long, long time ago. She also knew deep down that although the situation sounded horrible, that things were much different than they seemed. She just had a very, very hard time wrapping her head around it all. She stayed silent, as he continued. 

He then spoke of how he had loved Baelfire.. about how he had seen him as a son. It made her feel as though she were filled with joy. Just to know that Bae had a male figure in his life to look up to that wasn't Rumple made all of the horrible thoughts that she'd had vanish, even if it was for a brief time. He had stepped closer to her, and although her anger wanted to make her flinch, she held still. She watched him...she looked in to his pleading eyes. She could see the emotion that had filled him, and she knew that she was being a little selfish. This was hard on him, too..she knew it. Her being alive again altered...everything. For both of them. When he was finished speaking, she took a step toward him as well. 

"This is just.. a lot, Killian.." she spoke in a soft voice. "You're in love with another woman when, to me, you were just in love with me alone... And then I find out that this woman is the mother of my only grandchild. It's just so.. so much Killian.." She reached out, and lightly touched the side of his cheek. "I'm not angry with you.. despite how i'm acting. I'm angry that I died. I'm angry that we're in this position. I'm angry that I didn't get to watch my son grow up.. and it's all Rumplestiltskin's fault." 

[Killian Jones]

in the pain

THERE IS HEALING

Milah told him that this was a lot, and it was entirely understandable. He couldn't even begin to imagine how overwhelming this all was for her. He didn't know what to say to comfort her or make her feel better, for he was part of the reason that she was so overwhelmed. She stated that he was in love with another, where as before it had just been the two of them. And that this woman was the mother of her grandchild . . . it was indeed a lot.

Killian remained silent, afraid to make matters worse. Unsure how angry she was with him. But as if she read his mind, she assured him she was not angry. Instead, she reached out to touch his cheek, the gesture granting him immediate comfort. He closed his eyes, basking in the sensation of her soft hand against his cheek, a feeling he had been deprived of for so long . . . and one knowing that he should not be succumbing to right now. Yet, he couldn't help it.

When she finished speaking, he slowly opened his eyes, a soft longing behind his gaze yet one he did not act on. How could he, when Emma was not far from his mind. Even though he had been so uncontrolled just mere moments ago, he had to think more coherently than that. And yet, this was Milah. His Milah. "Not a day goes by where I don't wish him dead for what he did to you." His vengeance had consumed him . . . eaten away at his very soul, until someone had taught him how to feel emotions apart from rage and revenge. He had deprived them of a future together and deprived her of watching his son grow up . . . and deprived his very son of a mother.

"I love you Milah, I always will," he told her, knowing that came as no secret though he also knew that the words were bittersweet to say now. He moved his hand to hers that rested on his cheek, and moved it to his lips, gently kissing the back of her hand in a lingering embrace before eventually lowering it. "I understand that this is a lot, and I wish I could find a way to help ease you into this." This, reality that she had abruptly entered. "For some time, it had been just you and me. We had the world before us and a lifetime ahead of us." They had been free, planning to complete their family when Bae.

"It will forever pain me that we were deprived of that. And that your son will never know how incredible his mother was." Only the false memories that Rumple had forced into his mind. "I wish I knew what to do or where to go from here." But he didn't. He loved her and always would . . . but he couldn't ignore his love for Emma either. Milah had a right to be angry with him, but he knew that the fact that she wasn't, showed her strength of heart and was one of the many qualities about her that had made him fall in love with her to begin with.

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