the course of true love {regina}

[Jefferson]

holding conflicting realities in

Things were finally settling in Storybrooke after the most recent threat. One that involved Cora. Jefferson for the most part was rather disconnected from it. Though he of course knew Cora. He knew her from his dreadful time in Wonderland. She had created an elaborate plan however it resulted in only her death. Jefferson was indifferent to it. Though he did see how her death affected Regina. That, was something else that was settled as well; his relationship with her. They said that the course of true love never does run smooth... and Regina and he had certainly hit a lot of bumps and obstacles along the way. But now, they were working past that. Working toward building a relationship. Trying to build a solid future. With Grace and Henry at school, it allowed them time to spend together, which of course Jefferson was never rejecting of. He truly loved Regina and once the reasons for everything were revealed, well, they were making amends. No. They had already made amends. She had messaged him to come to her residence and Jefferson was on his way there now. Pulling into her mansion, he parked the car outside and made his way to the front door, ringing the doorbell and waiting patiently for her to answer. If anyone had asked him years ago that he would be with Regina once again... he would have told them that they were crazy. But this was the first time that they were able to actually be together without a spouse in the way and Jefferson had to admit, it felt pretty damn good.

your head will drive you mad

made by remi of isc & rilla go!

[regina2]

Regina was both terrified and excited. She had no idea how Jefferson would take this...most recent development. No doubt he was curious as to why she’d called him up all of a sudden. No, it was hardly the first time she’d sent him a line. The two of them...as amazing as it was to consider had agreed to try it again, to be together, to build a proper relationship. She’d been trying to deny her heart for so many years. But now...It was long past time to face facts. Regina...she loved him, cherished Jefferson above all others. At her worst, at her weakest, she always ran to him. He was the one she wanted to comfort her and soothe her fears and insecurities which yes she did have! Most just would never guess it since she was a master at masking her emotions. But...That was part of the reason she loved Jefferson so much. At his heart, Jefferson truly understood her. She couldn’t fool him, couldn’t lie to him. He was always the one to see past her mask. No, he wasn’t always kind and gentle. But then neither way she. Sometimes...Both of them could use a push! But then...sometimes they were out of line...Yes, they had issues that needed to be worked on. But they were getting there little by little. They important thing was they made each other happy.

But how would Jefferson feel about this?! Would this make him happy or upset?! She didn’t know! And her ignorance coupled with her tendency of imagining the worst case scenario given cruel experience, was eating her alive! She’d lost track of just how many times she’d circled the living room with her frantic pacing, eyes always aimed at the window. She would know the second he arrived!

She saw his car pull up and she was at the door by the time he rung the bell. She threw it open less than a second after he’d pressed the button. Regina knew she probably looked frazzled but well...This was...It was certainly news! But even being a nervous wreck like she was, Jefferson’s presence still managed to calm her. She smiled softly up at him, taking a moment to collect herself.

“Please come in. Would you like some tea? I started brewing it a little while ago. It should be done soon.” She’d needed something to do with her fingers. Not like busy fingers had managed to distract her much. At least it gave her something to do, something reassuring and familiar. Jefferson had always loved tea for as long as Regina had known him. So she’d practiced as a queen for him. Of course she had to do so in secret. It wasn’t respectable for a queen to brew tea herself! That was servant work. But she’d been determined to make some especially for Jefferson.

[Jefferson]

holding conflicting realities in

Regina had promptly opened the door mere seconds with Jefferson's arrival. He knew that it couldn't be entirely attributed to eagerness. He knew he well enough to know the second he saw her that something was wrong. Or well, she had something on her mind. There was a specific reason for her calling him here apart from merely spending time together. She looked as radiant as ever, thought he withheld any compliment. He merely silently praised her beauty. He stepped inside when she granted him passage, asking if he would like tea. He smiled at the offer. "Asking me if I'd like tea if equivalent to asking a man if he requires oxygen," Jefferson said in jest... though not entirely. He did like his tea. "I would love some, thank you," he confirmed, just in case his analogy was insufficient. He silently watched her for a few moments, taking in the sight of her. There was something different. Something he couldn't quite place his finger on. "Should I wait until the tea is ready before asking if everything is alright?" He asked, knowing that it could lead them into the conversation, thus, he wanted to see if it was more a conversation to be had when they were both sitting down, at ease.

your head will drive you mad

made by remi of isc & rilla go!

[regina2]

Jefferson was a perceptive sort to begin with. And given Regina’s and his...history however complicated, he understood her better than most. No, no one knew her heart better than him. That was the one thing that never changed no matter how much the two of them longed to strangle the other. (And yes, they’d certainly both had their moments! Jefferson had in fact aimed a gun at her even as he’d been unable to pull the trigger.) So Regina could tell that Jefferson knew something was...Well...She wouldn’t use the word wrong but...Oh she didn’t know! Everything was complicated! She was happy of course. But...She was terrified of how he’d feel! And if this was something he didn’t want...But...She knew there was no way she could get rid of the child. It was theirs! And she was having it!

But naturally he’d know something was on her mind. Normally, she’d say she’d like to see him. Or she’d pop up at his house unexpected. He always let her in now. Although even before he’d never actually turned her away. But...that was likely in part because she could simply let herself in with the skeleton keys. Now, he was happy to see her. The thought did bring a smile to her lips even in her stressed state.

Jefferson grinned at her offer of tea and she mirrored the expression. Regina felt a smile suited Jefferson better than anyone else. Sometimes..It was enough to send shivers down her spine. Not quite now though...She was...preoccupied.

Regina chuckled at his response. It was just...so Jefferson to say something like that. It helped ease her mind a trifle.

She rolled her eyes when he clarified what the expression meant. But it was a gentle, tender eye roll, one that clearly expressed he need not have elaborated for her. She understood. Regina couldn’t recall him ever turning down tea. No matter the hour or the circumstances, if she offered a cup, he’d eagerly accept. His enthusiasm for the beverage had certainly lead to some interesting excursions on her part. She’d sneak into the kitchen in the dead of night to prepare some just for him! She’d been caught once or twice...Whether she was reprimanded would depend on just who saw her. A few servants pitied her for her loneliness and the way the king treated her. Bruce and Maria never breathed a word of her odd night activities. But other servants...They were all too happy to tell Leopold just what his queen was up to. And he was all too quick to remind her how inappropriate tea brewing was for someone in her position. And the scolding didn’t end with words and cold glares.

But now she was free of Leopold’s stifling grasp. She no longer had to sneak around to prepare tea. Brewing it openly was something that brought her great joy. Some might find it strange. But it had been a luxury denied to her for such a long while.

Regina sucked in her breath at Jefferson’s question, not quite sure how to answer. Would it be better to get the news over with now, see the initial reaction immediately or wait until she didn’t have the tea to worry about?

After a moment of silence she decided it would be best to wait for tea. Then there wouldn’t be any interruptions. “Give me a moment and I’ll explain,” she promised. Before waiting for any sort of answer, she bustled into the kitchen to finish her work. She returned a few moments later with the tea kettle and two cups. She set the tray of goodies down and fixed tea just the way Jefferson liked it.

She cradled her cup in her hands and took a seat. Regina took a deep breath. There...Wasn’t any easy way to say this...Bluntness was probably her friend here. She stared straight into those blue eyes she loved so dearly. “Jefferson, I’m pregnant.” Her tone didn’t waver. Her voice was surprisingly calm and yet had a fierce undercurrent of intensity. This was not an apathetic statement. Jefferson would easily tell this was extremely important to her. Her will alone kept her anxiety and nerves in check. She had no intention of sobbing or laughing like a maniac when she shared such significant news.

[Jefferson]

holding conflicting realities in

When she returned from the kitchen, tea in hand, he gratefully took his cup and sat down as well once she did so. He watched her intently, trying to determine what could have happened that caused her mood to be such. She may be appearing calm and composed but he could practically see her mind at work. Something was troubling her. The suspense of discovering what it was, was not too long for she eventually spoke the words that caused Jefferson to pause. Numbed, with shock. His expression ever so slightly changed as he just stared at her, taking in the news of this revelation. She was... pregnant. With a child. Their child. He didn't know what to say! He of course loved children. Being a father was the most incredible feeling; a joy that was incomparable to anything else. She way she had revealed such news though made him wonder what she was thinking about. Did she fear his reaction? Or was she unsure how to react to this news? He forced himself to stay calm and composed though his own mind was flooding with thoughts, his heart with emotions. Concealing all this he spoke in a leveled voice... even he was surprised by how composed it was. "How do you... feel about that?" He asked. He wanted to know more of her own feelings regarding this newfound discovery. Was she happy? Sad? Confused? Worried? Scared? He knew she had always wanted to be a mother, hence the reason she adopted Henry. Would this be joyous news for her? Or would she feel she was not ready for a child? All he could do was look at her, trying to read something from her expression as the tea remained forgotten despite the fact that his hands were still occupied with holding the cup filled with the beverage.

your head will drive you mad

made by remi of isc & rilla go!

[regina2]

Regina could feel the weight of Jefferson’s stare as she sat down, cradling her cup, not sipping from it just yet. She wasn’t sure she’d really appreciate the taste at the moment. She was too wired. Normally, she very much enjoyed Jefferson’s eyes on her. But now...Her nerves were eating her alive. She had no idea how he’d respond to this unexpected development. And his penetrating gaze was not helping her imagination! Regina was a woman used to receiving the worst. If she should share the news only to watch revulsion flash across his face...She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to handle that, especially now.

She felt this was good news! She did! It just...complicated things. It meant at the very least the two of them would need to sit down and have a very serious chat about their relationship and what it would mean for their child. Under no circumstances was Regina getting rid of it! She loved Jefferson as hesitant as she was to use the word in front of him. And already she loved this baby growing inside her. It was his. It was theirs! No power on this Earth could make her sacrifice this child for anything! She was having it!

And honestly..It would be nice to have a baby that was just hers, no sharing. As it was, she barely got to see Henry anymore. He wasn’t staying at her house. He still had his room here of course. And Regina still considered him her son. She hoped he still loved to her as a mother. But...With Emma here..With him staying with her, she could admit she was a little lonely. She...She really wanted this baby. But she wasn’t sure how to express it. And she was genuinely scared to be this open with Jefferson. Henry...was still a bit of a touchy subject.

Jefferson still knew her so well. She was certain she’d masked her emotions if not exceptionally well at least adequately. And yet Jefferson understood something was if not the matter at least on her mind. He was unusually still for him; and, his gaze was heavy, as though trying to probe her. But he waited for her to speak in her own time which she was grateful for.

She’d been blunt, just wanting to get it out before she exploded. And then he stared. It was...extremely difficult to read him. There were moments Jefferson could be more composed and unfortunately now was one of them. She had no idea how he felt about this. And she wanted to know! So badly!

Her lips curled into the smallest smile when he asked her how she felt about it. It was nice of him to consider her feelings like that. He was being sweet. But...She just wanted to know what this meant to him!

“Jefferson..I want this baby,” she began softly, surprised herself at how much emotion could be packed into five tiny words like that. They carried the weight of her heart somehow.

“Jefferson, I really want this baby! But I want you to want it too! I don’t want to be a single mother!” With Henry..It had been so difficult! And this time...She didn’t have to do it alone, did she? She wasn’t adopting! This was her flesh and blood! And it wasn’t just hers! It was Jefferson’s too! He...He’d want to be involved wouldn’t he?! He’d want to have a family with her, wouldn’t he?! Or would he be scared?! Would he think everything was moving too quickly?! Please...Please let him want this child, their child, the proof of their love!  He wouldn't...He wouldn't reject that would he?!

[Jefferson]

holding conflicting realities in

It felt like an eternity before she spoke again, though he knew it could have been a matter of mere seconds. It was the intensity of this subject that made it all seem longer. Knowing that her next words had the power to break everything or give him everything he wanted. He of course wanted her to want the child. Despite his less than traditional self, he was traditional when it came to having a wife and family. Perhaps it was Lyall who had taught him that; a life of domesticity. He wanted that with Regina. Too long that they allowed themselves to be together without the proper commitment of a ring and vows. He had once proposed to her many years ago and while she had accepted... that was as far as it had gotten. Things unraveled not long after. But now, perhaps this was an opportunity for a new life... the start of a new life. He waited, and waited, and waited... knowing that time was exaggerated in his mind... until she spoke the words that he hadn't even realized how desperately he longed to hear until he heard them. She wanted this baby. He felt a wave of relief wash over him though his expression and demeanor did not change. Her voice was sure, confidence, unwavering... she wanted this baby. She was sure of it. Regina had been a single mother with Henry, and Jefferson had practically been a single father with Grace. They both knew what was lacking in a child's life when the other parent was missing from it. He wanted their unborn baby to have both, and not be lacking in anything. "If possible, a child should have their mother and father in their life," he began to say. His lips then formed into a smile, expressive of what this news meant to him. "It would be an honor, to be a father to him or her." A product of the love that he and Regina shared... it was truly a beautiful thing. He wanted to ask her to be his wife, but decided to wait for the perfect moment for right now, he was basking in the joy of the news she presented him, more so able to do now that he knew she wanted this child as well. "I can't tell you what this means to me." He was at a loss of words, for there were none that could completely express the happiness that was found in the news of a child.

your head will drive you mad

made by remi of isc & rilla go!

[regina2]

Regina spoke and there Jefferson sat same as before. There was no change in his expression. He continued to hold the cup he was all but ignoring. His face wasn’t blank; but, it was calm and composed; and, it drove her mental! She couldn’t tell how he felt at all! Was he happy?! Sad?! Anxious?! Upset?! What?!

There was no point in keeping her face complacent. She’d laid her heart bare in her words. And she had a damn good excuse for being emotional at the moment! SHE WAS PREGNANT! She had no idea when hormones were supposed to kick in. She’d never actually carried a baby before despite being a mother. Adoption was a lot less taxing on the body. Although it did mean a good deal more paperwork. Fortunately, Regina had Rumple to cut through that red tape. There hadn’t been much she needed to do besides sign on the dotted line and then bring the baby home with her. Of course the real work came afterwards.

Yes...She was sure she looked apprehensive. At least she wasn’t fidgeting. That was...likely the only thing working in her favor at the moment. She did note that she was gripping her cup a bit too tightly. If she kept this up it would probably crack and spill tea all over her floor if not her suit. And even with that knowledge, she was powerless to loosen her grip. Regina was stressed and needed this expression however detrimental it was.

Frankly...She didn’t know how much more of this she could take! Why was Jefferson being so cruel, saying nothing, revealing nothing?! Was he in shock?! She supposed if he was that was excusable. Or was he trying to organize his thoughts into something either more coherent or witty or both?! She supposed that would be forgivable as well. But she didn’t need composure or perfection at the moment! She only wanted to hear his genuine thoughts, to know where he stood!

Regina was worried about her own composure and maybe that was silly. Although they hadn’t specifically defined their relationship, they were together again. She loved him; and, she knew he loved her as well. Didn’t their intimacy, their closeness mean it was alright to open up, to throw away the masks, and just be honest?! That’s what she was trying to do! So why was he depriving her of the same courtesy?! Why couldn’t he just speak his mind?! The truth would come out one way or another; and, she’d rather hear it from him than figure it out on her own!

Yes, he understood her better than anyone else and she him. So yes they could see past the masks but...She was emotional now and would rather skip that step! She didn’t want to play guessing games, piece together each shift of expression like a puzzle to determine in his inner thoughts. She just wanted to hear it!

She was scared! What if he wasn’t ready for this type of commitment?! What if he did feel things were moving too quickly and that he couldn’t be the father to their child?! What if he honestly thought it would be better for her to get rid of the child?! She knew she couldn’t! She loved Jefferson so much! How could she possible give up this symbol of their love? Even for him, that was one thing she couldn’t sacrifice! But she didn’t want to gain a child just to lose him! She wanted to rely on his support throughout this ordeal! This time, she wanted someone by her side while she raised a child!

Regina was practically hyperventilating, squeezing her cup so tightly cracks had started to form by the time Jefferson spoke. With his smile, her mind was immediately set at ease, her grip finally loosening.

That smile...And the way he said a child should have both a mother and father...There was no doubt about it! He was happy! She sucked in a breath, doing her best to keep herself from crying. Her eyes were moist; and, she feared she wouldn’t be strong enough to push back the tears. But...She’d been terrified. And here Jefferson’s expression as well as his words clearly stated there had been no reason to worry. He wanted to be their child’s father! He wanted to be a part of their life! But did that just mean visitation or..What did it mean?! She didn’t know and feared she was in no state to ask. But the important thing was, Jefferson was excited! Or..She thought he was. An honor didn’t necessarily mean it was something someone wanted. Honors could be obligations as well as compliments.

But no..He seemed too joyful for it to merely be another responsibility. This was her Jefferson; and, she knew him! This was Jefferson elated! His next words confirmed it. Now there was no doubt and the tears spilled over as Regina shook with silent sobs, teacup rattling in her hands.