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Post by Jefferson on Mar 10, 2015 14:55:00 GMT
holding conflicting realities in He could see that she was shocked, and of course had expected such a reaction. He had been defined by his occupation. It had paid well, and he had gained a reputation from it. Had he not had a daughter, he wouldn't have given it up.
But he wanted to live for Grace. Not engage in this dangerous work that had cost the life of her mother. An innocent, caught up in his own enemies made over the years. He would forever carry the guilt of Lyall's death but he was not about to let himself be taken from Grace, or vice versa.
"I have my reasons," he told her nonchalantly, forcing the emotions away from his words, speaking with complete composure and strength. He knew he couldn't completely evade the reason. Regina knew him all too well. "Grace lost her mother because of what I do," he began to explain, now revealing the death of his wife.
"I won't let her lose her father too. Nor will I lose my daughter." The rather cruel and particularly vindictive enemies went after those you loved, so that you would be forced to endure the lifelong suffering that came with their death. Jefferson would not survive the loss of Grace.
She had saved him in coping with Lyall's death. He could not . . . WOULD not lose her too. "So from now on, this is what I do," he said without an ounce of hesitation or uncertainty. His decision was final. It would not waver or alter in any way . . . no matter what Regina said.
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Post by Jefferson on Mar 10, 2015 14:43:07 GMT
holding conflicting realities in She seemed so different and yet the same. He knew that when they had parted ways, she had started her transformation to the woman she was now. Jefferson couldn't predict what would have happened had they found a way to remain together. But he supposed he shouldn't be thinking along such 'what if' and 'what could have been's.
It was not fair to his bride for him to dwell in a past life. One where he had loved the queen and she him. He wasn't sure if his love for her would be entirely erased. What he did know though was that he had committed himself to another woman today and . . . he didn't regret it. He was happy. As happy as he could be under such circumstances.
She spoke of how she was surprised to have not gotten an invitation, suggesting that it was lost in transit. "I do travel between many realms after all," he said in relation to her words of it having potentially gotten lost while it was on the way. He was of course being sarcastic; they were both well aware of the reason he didn't send her an invitation.
He knew he shouldn't be surprised that she had discovered he was getting married. News traveled. "Besides, I didn't think you would have had any interest nor desire to come," he stated. He didn't know exactly how she felt about him . . . the only indication he had was their last conversation which, wasn't an entirely pleasant one.
"Seems this is one of the few times I am proven wrong," he added on, that same slight sarcasm in his voice but his words held truth to them. "And I'm not sure if that is a good thing or not." A way of subtly asking what her intentions here were. Whether she had come out of curiosity or . . . well, any other reason that caused him to think of Lyall and force himself not to break eye contact with Regina as he danced with her.
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Post by Jefferson on Mar 8, 2015 16:46:19 GMT
holding conflicting realities in Jefferson couldn't confidently say that he had ever expected this type of conversation to happen. He hadn't expected her to come to him... for the tables to be turned and her being the one asking something of him in this way. She was the vulnerable one, just as he had been for so long. He wasn't basking in how it felt for her to feel what he had for so long. It wasn't about her feeling his pain. It was about acknowledging that she shouldn't care about what he thought, when she so easily disposed of him at the hospital. It seemed she wasn't as done with him as she thought.
Her words of how she cared but knew she shouldn't, caused many thoughts to race in his mind, though he didn't flinch or show any reaction. He only moved his head back and stood in an upright position as he mulled over her words. Truth be told, he didn't know what her feelings for him were. It was true, that both of them had done things to hurt the other... and it seemed that both of them had their reasons for doing it. But Jefferson couldn't safely say that he felt comfort hearing what she said.
"No," he began to say, answering the first part of her question, even if it was meant to be rhetorical. "It's not enough to know that you care. You only care when it has to do with you. When you need something from someone." She didn't care either time she'd separated him from his daughter, when she knew full well that Grace was all he had. He blamed himself primarily, but he blamed her as well.
All the tears Grace had cried, all the trauma she had endured... was because of his separation from her. She was talking about how she felt... how he was the only one who made her feel anything. "And what about what I feel?!" He snapped, his voice not overly loud but held a stern and lashing tone to it.
"Did you ever once consider how I felt when you left me in Wonderland after you got what you needed? Or when you separated me from my daughter for nearly three decades? Or when you backed out of our deal because you could so easily dispose of me?" All his questions were rhetorical, for he didn't expect an answer from her. He imagined this conversation was a long time coming.
"Can you even imagine what it would be like to be separated from Henry for a lifetime?" He paused for a moment, allowing the thought to fill her mind. "You can barley handle the fact that he doesn't believe you. Imagine him not even knowing who you are." That, was just part of the pain in his separation.
"Why do you deserve comfort when you deprived my daughter of years of it?" This question, was not so rhetorical. Do what she may to him, but how could she do that to Grace. "Whatever past we had Regina... she was innocent. And yet she suffered." Just like he had.
"You can't even begin to imagine what it's like." Especially now that she knew what it was like to be a parent. How much your child meant to you. "You don't do what you did to people you care about." Which was why he had trouble believing that she cared for him at all. For she knew how important Grace was to him... and disregarded that completely.
Hell, she had even used it against him. He wasn't trying to fuel her devastation... but he could no longer remain silent when she spoke of how she felt so much for him. Even though deep down, he knew he would always love her. The woman that she had been, not the one who became consumed with vengeance. And he supposed, he was starting to see glimpses of the former woman now... the one who had been the Regina he loved.
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Post by Jefferson on Mar 7, 2015 12:29:20 GMT
holding conflicting realities in Jefferson was just returning home from work. It had been a decent day, better than most. And he had brought a gift for Grace. One that he had purchased the fabric for, as it was cheaper than buying the actual toy, and had sewn himself. All those years of being in the portal hopping business and making the perfect hat paid off in terms of his tailoring.
He had the gift wrapped in his cloth, entering the home to see that the neighbor from next door had been watching her. He smiled and thanked her as she returned the smile and said goodbye to him and Grace. Jefferson closed the door behind her, setting down his bag. "I'm not too late for tea, am I?" He asked, playing along with her game, his voice holding genuine concern for potentially being late.
He always liked to promise her that he'd be home in time for tea... and would hate if his work made a liar out of him. Which had not yet happened. He moved close to Grace, scooping her up into his arms and kissing her cheek tenderly. He knew they didn't have much. A small quaint home and just enough to put food on the table... but he was happy, because he had the most precious gift that no amount of money could ever buy: his Grace.
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Post by Jefferson on Mar 7, 2015 12:21:21 GMT
holding conflicting realities in Jefferson could not describe the emotions that he had been hit with the second Grace ran into his arms and he was finally able to hold her. The emotions had been overwhelming. Relief. Peace. Joy. So many different things that he could not categorize. His eyes brimmed with tears. She was his everything and after so many torturous years of being apart from her... here she was.
Embracing him, despite his abandonment. He would never forgive himself. But the way she smiled, the way she eagerly ran to him, the way she told him she knew he would find her... it made his guilt all the stronger. But he couldn't let go. He would never be able to let go. He held her tightly, falling back as his legs grew weak and gave out from the emotional strength of having her in his arms once more. No feeling had been greater. Nothing sweeter. Nothing more overjoying.
He finally managed to raise himself to his feet, still not letting go over her. He titled his head to the side, his lips against the side of her head as he placed a linger kiss. He closed his eyes, basking in the feeling, letting a few of the tears fall from his eyes as he quietly sniffed. This was what he had wanted for so long. What he had needed. And now... she was with him again. She was his heart. His everything. And for the first time since he'd last held her... he felt truly alive.
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Post by Jefferson on Mar 7, 2015 12:12:38 GMT
holding conflicting realities in There were two things that Jefferson had spent majority of his time doing: watching Grace and making hats. The two were linked together of course. He needed a hat to send him back, so that he and Grace could get their lives once again. Not... this hell of a life. One where he watched her live with another family, called another papa, looked so happy and content with them.
It broke his heart every time he saw her smile... and was also the reason he couldn't just go over there and tell her who he was. He couldn't do that to her. He couldn't destroy the happiness she found, even if it was built on false memories. No. He needed to find a way to break this curse. To get magic. To restore him and Grace to where they belonged: together.
He had taken a break from watching her, having seen that she was dressed in her uniform so was on her way to Scouts. He was so proud of her, taking part in all these activities. He only wished he could be a part of them. That he could hear the stories she told. She was going to school and he didn't know a single thing about how her days were, about which subjects she liked, who were friends were... and it devastated him. All he could do was obsessively make his hats. Which was what he was currently doing.
There was a newfound hope with the latest guest in Storybrooke: Emma Swan. He was still collecting information about her, but knew things that may help him be reunited with his daughter. The ringing of the door bell pulled him from his work. He considered not opening it, knowing that it was possibly Regina. She seemed to be the only visitor he got.
Though he knew that if he didn't open it and she had something to discuss with him, she would grant herself entrance anyway. So he made his way to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open. Who he saw standing on the other end made him numb... made his heart beat harder in his chest.
"Grace," he breathed, his eyes fixated on her, knowing there was probably a great deal of emotion behind them. He knew Grace was not the name she was falsely given in this world, but he couldn't help but say it. She was Grace. His Grace. And all he wanted to do was pull her close to him and hold her in his arms, never letting go.
Fortunately, the shock of seeing her so close to him numbed any temptation. All he could do was stare at her, seeing up close for the first time, how beautiful she was growing to be. How so much like her mother. And these thoughts, having been separated from Grace for so long and missing so many years of her childhood... caused his eyes to brim with tears. Though none fell, they grew moist with the threat of them.
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Post by Jefferson on Mar 7, 2015 12:04:02 GMT
holding conflicting realities in Sleep often eluded Jefferson. Even though Grace was back in his life and he finally found that solace he had been so desperately searching for... sleep was not so easily restored. Still, the peace of mind that she was back with him allowed him to have a far more comforting night, even if it was not granted with slumber.
He was sitting in his work room, one of them anyway, creating a man as cartography was his hobby. He was also cradling a cup of tea as he inspected his nearly complete map. All of a sudden, a faint voice in the distance pulled him out of his concentrated state. He immediately recognized the voice... able to make out the word that was being said. Had he not been reunited with Grace, he knew it would have just been the voices in his head playing cruel tricks on him.
But this time... it could really be her. He raced to her room, wondering if she'd had a bad dream. "Grace?" He questioned as he threw open the door to her bedroom. Much to his horror, she wasn't in her bed. His eyes widened with fear as he frantically looked around the room. "Grace?!" He called again, his voice louder and more worried. He could still hear her calling out for him, so she wasn't far.
This felt like his worst nightmare all over again... hearing his daughter call for him and not being able to get to her. What a horrible reminder of their separation but Jefferson knew she was no figment of his imagination. No. They had been reunited. Grace was with him. He just have to find out where she was. He raced to her window, flinging it open and sticking his head out as he looked at the yard for any trace of her.
"Grace!" He called out. Hearing her voice yet again prompted him to look up and what he said made his heart leap out of his chest. There was his beloved Grace... on the roof?! "Hang on, Grace! I'm coming! Don't move!" He quickly instructed. He didn't have time to be scared or question how she had gotten up there. All he could focus on was getting her down. He rushed to garage, pulling out a ladder and carrying it outside.
He leaned it against the house as he began to frantically climb up it, ensuring to maintain his balance. Once he got to his destination he remained on the top step of the ladder, extending his arms. "Come on, baby," he gently urged her, coaxing her to come to him. "It's ok, I almost got you," he added on. He had just gotten her back in his life and he was not going to lose her ever again.
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Post by Jefferson on Mar 7, 2015 11:51:35 GMT
holding conflicting realities in She rolled her eyes, a reaction that he should have expected considering his literal response... and then questioned why he was selling mushrooms. He remained quiet, allowing her the opportunity to look him over, seeing the surprise in her features and letting it sink in... her comment evidently reflecting her thoughts.
The reason for him selling mushrooms and the reason of him looking different were strongly linked, and he knew he would have to explain why. There was no need to lie. Besides, even though he knew this was a chance encounter, that she had not expected to see him... he still wanted to make it clear that if she needed anything from him that his portal hopping days could offer... well, she was out of luck.
He gave a slight and brief sarcastic smile at her acknowledgment of how different he looked before verbally responding. "I would hope I look like a mushroom vendor and no longer like a portal hopper. Since I have hung up my hat... so to speak," he explained, a slight jest at the end of his words though not spoken in a jovial manner. The reasons he had given it up were grim. He had lost Lyall. And the loss had not been easy. If it weren't for Grace, her death would have devastated him.
But he knew he had to be a father for his beloved daughter. And well, Jefferson was unsure of how much Regina knew. He imagined not a great deal... after all, there was no reason for her to be keeping tabs on him. Either way, he was aware that all would most likely be revealed by the end of their conversation.
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Post by Jefferson on Mar 7, 2015 11:43:50 GMT
holding conflicting realities in One moment Jefferson was watching the crowd, seeing everyone enjoying themselves in dance, refreshments, and conversation. The next, he noticed everything slow... even the band had stopped playing. Every grew still and then lowered their heads in bows and curtsy. It took him a few moments to catch on and by the time he did, having turned his head to the side, the queen was extending her hand to him, asking for a dance.
It took him a few seconds to absorb what was occurring before him. Regina. She was.... here. She was here?! Jefferson showed no sign of surprise or shock. He remained calm. Composed. Though inside, her mere presence caused so many emotions to run through him and so many thoughts to flood his mind. It seemed like a frequent occurrence whenever he saw her. Though, the last time he had indeed seen her... things had not gone too well. Why was she here now, on his wedding day?
The thought of her attempting something on Lyall briefly entered his mind. She wouldn't... would she? Jefferson liked to think he knew her, but he no longer was certain what she was capable of. He had tried to save her before she did something he believed she'd regret, but in the end... he had lost her. He supposed that it was a necessary sacrifice, if it meant saving her.
Yet he knew the title that surrounded her now. Not just Queen but rather: The Evil Queen. There had to be reason for others to refer to her as such. But Jefferson would not. Even now as everyone curtsied and downcast their gaze, he stood straight and tall, slightly tilting his chin up. He refused to bow to her. Just like he always had. He knew that the question would arise as to how he knew the queen, and he would simply have to answer that he had worked with her in the past.
"Oh no. The honor would be all mine," he said, an underlying tone of sarcasm in his voice. One perhaps only she would be able to detect as she knew him better than most others. He took her hand in his, leading her to the designated area for dance. "We don't need an audience," he stated, motioning to the band to resume playing and to the guests to do the same.
Once everything began to fall in the similar pattern, Jefferson took hold of the queen's hand, his other gently rested against her waist. He remained still, not overly intimate as he began to lead her in the dance. "I did not expect to see you here," he stated, his voice low so that it would not be so easily overheard by others.
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Post by Jefferson on Mar 7, 2015 11:34:19 GMT
holding conflicting realities in Regina had promptly opened the door mere seconds with Jefferson's arrival. He knew that it couldn't be entirely attributed to eagerness. He knew he well enough to know the second he saw her that something was wrong. Or well, she had something on her mind.
There was a specific reason for her calling him here apart from merely spending time together. She looked as radiant as ever, thought he withheld any compliment. He merely silently praised her beauty. He stepped inside when she granted him passage, asking if he would like tea. He smiled at the offer.
"Asking me if I'd like tea if equivalent to asking a man if he requires oxygen," Jefferson said in jest... though not entirely. He did like his tea. "I would love some, thank you," he confirmed, just in case his analogy was insufficient. He silently watched her for a few moments, taking in the sight of her.
There was something different. Something he couldn't quite place his finger on. "Should I wait until the tea is ready before asking if everything is alright?" He asked, knowing that it could lead them into the conversation, thus, he wanted to see if it was more a conversation to be had when they were both sitting down, at ease.
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Post by Jefferson on Mar 7, 2015 11:28:18 GMT
holding conflicting realities in He smiled with amusement as she teasingly told him not to argue with the queen. Her rank had never been something he'd acknowledged. Not out of any disrespect but more so because Jefferson didn't really emphasize status. He looked more toward others as his clients. Though of course, she was no client. She was far, far more than that.
She repeated his words, seeming to try and decide where they could venture to today. She pointed out that he hated Wonderland, which he did. "Ah, but you may not," he stated. He was willing to go there, for her, if she so wished to explore it. She assured him that she didn't want to go to that particular place, and he hoped it wasn't because of him.
He found himself wanting to give her everything she desired... though knew the limitations were abundant. She began to describe having read about Neverland, one of the places he had not mentioned yet one they could indeed journey to through his hat. "Neverland it is!" He announced, starting to take the hat of his head but paused before hand.
"I warn you though, it's quite different than how it may be described in the books. Ever since Pan took control, it's changed." Fortunately, Jefferson had a decent rapport with Pan. Otherwise he would never have agreed to take her there knowing that it could be dangerous. But Jefferson's neutral and unaligned state allowed him to have many that... weren't exactly allies, but weren't enemies either. They were just, connections.
"Stay close to me," he told her as he tossed his hat onto the ground. The object began to spin as the purple pigment exuded from it, creating a portal. He then gripped her hand in his, not wanting to waste any time. "Ready?" He asked her, slightly raising his voice so that she could hear him over the noise of the hat opening up the desired portal.
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Post by Jefferson on Mar 7, 2015 11:19:57 GMT
holding conflicting realities in Seeing her reaction to his presence, was of course something he enjoyed... yet at the same time, was also a reminder of how grim her situation here was. He could not dwell on such things. He wanted to enjoy their time together, not sully it by focusing on the reasons that kept them apart. As she had said, he was here now and so was she, and that was all they need concentrate on with whatever time fate saw fit to grant them with.
He casually wrapped his own arms around her as she initiated the embrace, his lips curved into a small smile. She apologized for making him wait, when he knew it was nothing under her own control. He forced himself to refrain from saying anything indicative of what she had been doing that kept him waiting. They both were aware of it... she had experienced it, and he thought of it. So neither of them needed to say it.
"I would wait until the end of time for you," he told her truthfully, his smile growing a bit more. "Besides," he continued on a lighter note as his gaze casually scanned around her room. "Your chambers are quite comfortable. Can't say I had dismal waiting conditions," he said teasingly. Though really, in truth, he did. Because he knew that another man's hands were upon her and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Still. He wanted to keep the mood light hence the reason he offered a small tease.
He next question was one that he needn't even consider for he knew the answer immediately. "That my dear, is something you never need ask." For the answer would always be yes. In one swift motion he lifted her into his arms and carried her toward her bed, gently laying her down on it. He then seated himself on the edge next to her, proceeding to take of his long trench so that he could be more comfortable.
He tossed it over to the chair where his hat remained, and kicked off his boots before swinging his legs on the bed, so that he was lying next to her, his back against the head board. He moved one arm casually around her shoulders, holding her to him. "Like I was saying, your chambers are quite comfortable. Even more so now," he said contently.
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your head will drive you mad made by remi of isc & rilla go! OOC: I totally god modded Regina! Let me know if you'd like me to edit!
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Post by Jefferson on Mar 7, 2015 11:06:24 GMT
holding conflicting realities in Regina didn't even flinch upon seeing the gun. And he shouldn't be surprised. She often held a stoic and composed nature, this was no exception. He should have anticipated her confidence... but he was desperate. So very desperate to hold his Grace in his arms once more. To tell her that he was sorry. To promise her that he would never leave her again. It was all he had thought about in Neverland, that need to get back to her. And now... here she was but yet still so far out of reach from his grasp. And once again, it was due to Regina's actions.
Her laughter agitated him. She was so content here wasn't she, creating a world where she could thrive while others suffered. Was there no one else she had privileged? Was every else the same as him? But why. Why did he remember. When she neared him, she caressed his cheek and he jerked his head away, not wanting her to touch him. Despite how once, he longed for her touch. He basked in it, in the love he felt for her.
She would always consume a part of his heart but not like this... not when she was doing this to him. He turned his head to look at her, staring directly into her eyes. "I am not your dear. And I'm not your love." He knew that the emotional suggestive of these terms were probably not literal... not in the same way they had been used many years ago. He didn't want to hear them from her lips.
But there were the words of Grace... the rationality of why he shouldn't kill her. Because then he would have no hope of being reunited with her. Was there even any hope with Regina alive? Despite the conflict he knew very well that he couldn't kill her. As angry and betrayed he felt by her... he could never kill her.
"Her name is Grace," he stated, never wanting to hear her being referred to as Paige. That was not the name Lyall and him had decided for her. She was his Grace, not another's Page. Jefferson then took a few steps back, away from Regina as he turned and began to pace. He casually waved the gun in his hand, nonchalantly holding the barrel against the back of his head with his finger on the trigger as he walked around, his mind flooding with thoughts.
He didn't do this with any thought of suicide... he was merely disregarding the danger of the gun... his mind not quite processing his current position. "Then tell me how to be reunited with her," he said, still pacing, still holding the gun. "Tell me how I can get her back," he added, stopping to look at Regina, refusing to beg her yet at the same time... wondered if his state of desperation would lead him to that point.
"The memories," he began to say, not necessarily to her but merely... talking out loud. Which was not infrequent. It was one of the many results of his maddening time in Wonderland where he had slowly lost grip of reality. "So many memories," he said, starting to pace again, and casually waving around the gun once more.
"Why do I remember? Why doesn't she?" He was both asking Regina and himself... as if trying to vocalize all the questions he had in his mind about the curse. He didn't care if it made him sound insane. He was insane. Grace was the last hope of any sanity that could be found and she was clearly not so easily attainable.
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Post by Jefferson on Mar 7, 2015 10:53:14 GMT
holding conflicting realities in Jefferson derived no pleasure in seeing her cry. He was not of such a sadistic nature. But he knew that the tears were inevitable. Regina had often been a victim of circumstance... but this time, Jefferson could not be entirely supportive. Not after all that had happened. He may believe her, but he was not going to offer this solace to her. Not yet. If ever. Deep down he knew he would. For the same reason he had trusted her to keep her end of the bargain, despite what happened in Wonderland.
Her tone then reflected her often defiant and strong nature as she stated that she asked him first. While that was true, he was not going to play along with that logic. She had after all, been the one to come to him. She sought him out. He owed her nothing. Her tone took a softer volume when she once again asked if he believed her. He did not move. He just stared at her with the same expression, one corner of his lip twitching into a slight smile for only a brief second before regaining his former expression.
"The irony," he began to say. "I could so easily prey on your state of desperation. Your peak of vulnerability." Just like she had, reminding him that he had no other option than to agree to her deal for it was the only way to be reunited with his Grace. Just as she had preyed on his desperation in the deal that had trapped him in Neverland. He then leaned even closer to her, further eliminating any distance between them but once again, not in a romantic nature. Not as it had once been between them many years ago.
"But that's what you do. And I'm not you." Sometimes, he wished he could be. But she had told him once that he didn't have it in him to kill, and she was right. He couldn't be as vindictive and vengeful as others. "I don't owe you an answer," he further stated. "So why don't you answer my question first, before I even considering answering yours." Why did she care what he thought when she was supposedly done with him.
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Post by Jefferson on Mar 6, 2015 20:13:40 GMT
holding conflicting realities in Jefferson couldn't say that he ever foresaw this day in his future. But alas. Here it was. He had found the woman that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. While this was the second time he had fallen in love, he felt... happy. He could see them having a life together. He wanted to have a life with her. The first time he had fallen in love... well, it didn't end quite so well.
It had taken him time to recover from that, never having loved before and thus never having experienced heartbreak. It had been agonizing but time was the best healer. But now, here was Lyall. Looking as beautiful as ever in her wedding gown. She was a kind, compassionate, caring woman and Jefferson felt all too fortunate to have found someone like her.
The wedding ceremony was set in a park, with flowers and fresh greenery surrounding them. The ceremony was not too simple but not overly elaborate. It was filled with her family and friends and those close acquaintances of Jefferson's. He was clad in a suit but with a Jefferson touch as his style was often unique and unlike the attire of another.
They had just be named husband and wife and had shared their first dance before another wished to dance with the bride. Jefferson politely stepped aside, content in just watching her, a soft smile on his lips. He was now a husband and he could start to build a life with his wife. He was eager to explore this unfamiliar dynamic... eager to start this new chapter of his life.
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your head will drive you mad made by remi of isc & rilla go!
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