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Jefferson returned her hug, casually wrapping his arms around her. She nestled up inside them, resting her head on his neck. She didn’t ever want him to go. She wished for this moment to last forever. But she was all too aware that far too quickly it would end. But now he was here with her. And she planned on savoring every last second.

Regina beamed when Jefferson told her he’d wait until the end of time for her. “I’d do the same!” she assured him. “For you I’d wait forever!” And then some. She only wished she didn’t have to make him wait on her. But...She couldn’t deny the king his carnal pleasures. Jefferson knew this. She only hoped he understood. But he must! After all, he always came and waited just for her! He wasn’t a stupid man. He knew very well what kings and queens did in bed. She wished it wasn’t so. It felt awful, like a betrayal to her true love, to her heart. But she couldn’t say no even once. It would lead to unwanted questions never mind punishments. And if she was sloppy, she wouldn’t be the only one to suffer. If not Jefferson, the king would assume someone else had captured her heart. And he was far too envious and possessive to take an insult like that lying down.

“They’re much more comfortable with you here!” she replied eagerly to the comment about her chambers. Really...Without him they were lonely, cold. They offered no solace, not the briefest trace of comfort. They only granted grim echoes of what the two had once shared. She’d stumble her way to bed after a particularly gruesome day and think how much warmer it had been with Jefferson there, curled up besides her. When he wasn’t there, the room just seemed cruel and empty, drudging up memories of what had once been and might never be again. Regina...was afraid for Jefferson because of his dangerous work and because he was sleeping with the queen. Whenever he left, she was terrified that she might never see him again. So each and every time before left she told him, “be safe”.

Regina wouldn’t consider herself religious. Once upon a time...She thought she might believe in gods. But...She hadn’t been certain even then. But at her most vulnerable, after Daniel’s demise when she was waiting outside the tent with Jefferson, she prayed. Not out loud. Just in her head. It was...She was powerless. It was simply the only thing she could do. During that long stormy night when Viktor was finally ready to perform the surgery, she wanted to watch. But Jefferson just repeated Viktor’s orders. He insisted they needed to stay back since Viktor’s magic was different. They couldn't hope to understand it so they should just do what he said. Struggling for any glimpse of what was going on, not certain that she believed in any deity, she prayed, asking that if there was a god to please bring Daniel back to her.

Daniel was one of the only good things in her life; and, she needed his stability. She feared that without him, without his kindness and support, she'd become a monster just like Mother. King Leopold didn’t care for her at all. Regina knew that even back then. And feelings of hatred were growing inside of her because of Snow, the little girl who stole absolutely everything from her intentional or otherwise. But she didn’t want to be filled with hate. She wanted to be kind and caring, loving. She knew she could be that person with Daniel. So she begged any gods that would listen to please, please, please return him to her.

Her prayers weren’t answered. Viktor informed her that the operation had failed. The heart wasn’t strong enough. So she came to the conclusion that there are no gods or if they exist they weren't just. They didn’t care about her pain and suffering so she wouldn’t bother with them again, wouldn’t waste her time. If she wanted something, she’d grab it herself.

But what she hadn’t truly appreciated at the time was that when the world came crashing down, Jefferson was there for her. She couldn’t hide the tears from him, couldn’t compose herself quickly enough. He’d held her, gently rubbed her back, been there for her, supported her. He hadn’t really said much. But it was enough just to know that someone cared, that someone was thinking of her.

Jefferson had become her support, her source of stability. He could reinforce her kind heart, breathe life into it, make her believe in the good intentions of others, their sweetness. Without him...She’d truly be lost. So...perhaps the gods were real after all. Perhaps they’d left Jefferson to heal her heart and guide her. She had no idea. But she had no intention on relying on gods when everything about them was suspect.

But still...Every time Jefferson left, she said “be safe” like a prayer. She knew the words alone wouldn’t do any good. They couldn’t offer an real protection. But...It was her prayer. More than anything, she wanted him to be safe, the light of her life, her heart, her soul. Everything good she had, he was the one who gave it to her. She could smile. She could hope and dream because he lived, because he visited, because he loved her! She wondered if she could ever express how very much he meant to her. Did he even have any idea how magnificent he was?! Well, she’d try to show him in any way she could! He was her love; and, more than anyone else, she wanted him to feel special, loved, cherished.

She beamed again when he said she never need ask. And before she knew what was happening, he swept her up in his arms and carried her princess style to her bed, gently laying her down. She couldn’t stop grinning as he seated himself beside her. Although it seemed to take forever for him to get off his trench! She tried to be patient; but, it was hard! She wanted to cuddle!

Finally he tossed his coat to the chair and kicked off his boots. Then he was there laying next to her, quickly moving an arm around her shoulders, holding her to him. She leaned into the touch, nestling her head into the nape of his neck. Her grin widened when Jefferson expressed her chambers were much more comfortable now. She felt the same. Here with him, she was happy. When he was near, she couldn’t not be happy.

“I love you Jefferson,” she said softly, staring up into those gorgeous sapphire pools of his. “The best part of being queen is you. If I wasn’t queen, we’d never have met.”

Jefferson was a perceptive sort to begin with. And given Regina’s and his...history however complicated, he understood her better than most. No, no one knew her heart better than him. That was the one thing that never changed no matter how much the two of them longed to strangle the other. (And yes, they’d certainly both had their moments! Jefferson had in fact aimed a gun at her even as he’d been unable to pull the trigger.) So Regina could tell that Jefferson knew something was...Well...She wouldn’t use the word wrong but...Oh she didn’t know! Everything was complicated! She was happy of course. But...She was terrified of how he’d feel! And if this was something he didn’t want...But...She knew there was no way she could get rid of the child. It was theirs! And she was having it!

But naturally he’d know something was on her mind. Normally, she’d say she’d like to see him. Or she’d pop up at his house unexpected. He always let her in now. Although even before he’d never actually turned her away. But...that was likely in part because she could simply let herself in with the skeleton keys. Now, he was happy to see her. The thought did bring a smile to her lips even in her stressed state.

Jefferson grinned at her offer of tea and she mirrored the expression. Regina felt a smile suited Jefferson better than anyone else. Sometimes..It was enough to send shivers down her spine. Not quite now though...She was...preoccupied.

Regina chuckled at his response. It was just...so Jefferson to say something like that. It helped ease her mind a trifle.

She rolled her eyes when he clarified what the expression meant. But it was a gentle, tender eye roll, one that clearly expressed he need not have elaborated for her. She understood. Regina couldn’t recall him ever turning down tea. No matter the hour or the circumstances, if she offered a cup, he’d eagerly accept. His enthusiasm for the beverage had certainly lead to some interesting excursions on her part. She’d sneak into the kitchen in the dead of night to prepare some just for him! She’d been caught once or twice...Whether she was reprimanded would depend on just who saw her. A few servants pitied her for her loneliness and the way the king treated her. Bruce and Maria never breathed a word of her odd night activities. But other servants...They were all too happy to tell Leopold just what his queen was up to. And he was all too quick to remind her how inappropriate tea brewing was for someone in her position. And the scolding didn’t end with words and cold glares.

But now she was free of Leopold’s stifling grasp. She no longer had to sneak around to prepare tea. Brewing it openly was something that brought her great joy. Some might find it strange. But it had been a luxury denied to her for such a long while.

Regina sucked in her breath at Jefferson’s question, not quite sure how to answer. Would it be better to get the news over with now, see the initial reaction immediately or wait until she didn’t have the tea to worry about?

After a moment of silence she decided it would be best to wait for tea. Then there wouldn’t be any interruptions. “Give me a moment and I’ll explain,” she promised. Before waiting for any sort of answer, she bustled into the kitchen to finish her work. She returned a few moments later with the tea kettle and two cups. She set the tray of goodies down and fixed tea just the way Jefferson liked it.

She cradled her cup in her hands and took a seat. Regina took a deep breath. There...Wasn’t any easy way to say this...Bluntness was probably her friend here. She stared straight into those blue eyes she loved so dearly. “Jefferson, I’m pregnant.” Her tone didn’t waver. Her voice was surprisingly calm and yet had a fierce undercurrent of intensity. This was not an apathetic statement. Jefferson would easily tell this was extremely important to her. Her will alone kept her anxiety and nerves in check. She had no intention of sobbing or laughing like a maniac when she shared such significant news.

Jefferson didn’t look at her right away, instead choosing to fix his gaze on his mushrooms. But she could tell he recognized her voice by the way he stiffened. This eye contact avoidance was deliberate.

But eventually he raised his eyes and rested them on her face. She still wasn’t perfectly composed by this point. She was...stunned to say the least. She’d never seen Jefferson so...humbled. He’d traded in his suit for planer clothes, much less fancy and noticeable. They were missing his typical flare. And she couldn’t spy his special hat anywhere. The hat never used to leave his side. Where he went it went. If it wasn’t on his head he’d be fiddling with it. At the very least it would rest beside him on the ground. But...She would notice if it were here. There was no space to hide anything in his tiny cart. He’d taken less time with his hair too. She would never presume to guess what he’d done with it in the past. But it was always neat and presentable. Now...She wouldn’t say it looked bad. It didn’t. But it was certainly...different. Messy in a tamed fashion if that made any sense. It didn’t look at as though he’d just jumped out of bed; but, she doubted his comb had seen all that much use.

As startled as she appeared, she did smile a bit at the use of her name. It was nice to know that some things never changed. At least he was still willing to call her that. Did that mean he still saw her as Regina not just some queen and certainly not an evil one?! And...Why should she care?! She was done with him! He’d betrayed her, left her, never contacted her again, and then got married and even had a kid! He meant nothing to her!

Regina just rolled her eyes at his direct answer. “I can see that. I meant why are you selling mushrooms,” she elaborated.

When Jefferson told her she looked well, her heart did this odd fluttering thing. Well, she must have eaten something disagreeable for lunch. Hopefully she wouldn’t get sick later. She couldn’t afford that now not when Snow was so near.

His words did please her though, as much as they shouldn’t. Her smile brightened to something reminiscent of the smile the young naive queen used to wear for a certain portal jumper.

Regina would like to say he looked well too; but, she was still adjusting to this shift in appearance. “You look different,” she said honestly. Her tone wasn’t cruel or biting. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable either.  It wasn’t indifferent.  It had more emotion than one simply stating a fact. Her voice clearly expressed that it was neither a compliment nor an insult. She wasn’t saying he looked bad; but, neither was she saying he looked extraordinary. He just...He was different; and, she wasn’t sure how she felt about it.

Regina was both terrified and excited. She had no idea how Jefferson would take this...most recent development. No doubt he was curious as to why she’d called him up all of a sudden. No, it was hardly the first time she’d sent him a line. The two of them...as amazing as it was to consider had agreed to try it again, to be together, to build a proper relationship. She’d been trying to deny her heart for so many years. But now...It was long past time to face facts. Regina...she loved him, cherished Jefferson above all others. At her worst, at her weakest, she always ran to him. He was the one she wanted to comfort her and soothe her fears and insecurities which yes she did have! Most just would never guess it since she was a master at masking her emotions. But...That was part of the reason she loved Jefferson so much. At his heart, Jefferson truly understood her. She couldn’t fool him, couldn’t lie to him. He was always the one to see past her mask. No, he wasn’t always kind and gentle. But then neither way she. Sometimes...Both of them could use a push! But then...sometimes they were out of line...Yes, they had issues that needed to be worked on. But they were getting there little by little. They important thing was they made each other happy.

But how would Jefferson feel about this?! Would this make him happy or upset?! She didn’t know! And her ignorance coupled with her tendency of imagining the worst case scenario given cruel experience, was eating her alive! She’d lost track of just how many times she’d circled the living room with her frantic pacing, eyes always aimed at the window. She would know the second he arrived!

She saw his car pull up and she was at the door by the time he rung the bell. She threw it open less than a second after he’d pressed the button. Regina knew she probably looked frazzled but well...This was...It was certainly news! But even being a nervous wreck like she was, Jefferson’s presence still managed to calm her. She smiled softly up at him, taking a moment to collect herself.

“Please come in. Would you like some tea? I started brewing it a little while ago. It should be done soon.” She’d needed something to do with her fingers. Not like busy fingers had managed to distract her much. At least it gave her something to do, something reassuring and familiar. Jefferson had always loved tea for as long as Regina had known him. So she’d practiced as a queen for him. Of course she had to do so in secret. It wasn’t respectable for a queen to brew tea herself! That was servant work. But she’d been determined to make some especially for Jefferson.

The room was depressingly silent as she fumbled with the candle. Her fingers were shaking too much. It took three matches to get it lit. She supposed with the way things were going, she was lucky she hadn’t set her fingers ablaze. Rumple was teaching her magic; but, she was no where close to his level yet. She could levitate small objects yes and teleport herself and a couple other people under duress. She had managed to get all three of them out of Mother’s vault intact when things went awry! She was so grateful for that! The thought of losing Jefferson before she even really knew him..It killed her. Really...Jefferson was the only good thing in her small, cluttered world.

But she wasn’t even sure she could repeat that feat under calmer circumstances. Now she’d more or less mastered self teleportation. Although...Sometimes it was still a bit finicky. Sometimes...She’d end up somewhere unexpected. She wouldn’t get far enough or would go too far. And sometimes...She’d have to concentrate for an extra minute or so when it didn’t quite work the first time...But she was getting there! Slowly but surely she was getting there. Rumple had high hopes for her! And unlike Mother, he actually did praise her when he felt she’d done well. His criticism was helpful, constructive not just nasty and disagreeable like Mother’s had been. And unlike Mother...He gave her choices. Yes, he told her quite clearly when something couldn’t be done. “Dead is dead.” He’d been adamant about that. But then he’d been right. Jefferson had told her that if Viktor couldn’t do what she wanted, no one could. And..It hadn’t worked out with him.

He’d been the first one besides Daniel to consider her feelings, to ask what she wanted. She’d never forget his first words to her after telling her she wasn’t saying his name right. (Well Rumplestiltskin was a complicated name! She was much happier just calling him Rumple!) “What do you want?” Father...Even Father had never asked that. She was used to having everything scheduled, everything planned. Regina could maybe pull away an hour between tea and lessons but...That was about it. And Father just wanted Regina to go along with whatever scheme Mother had because it would be easier for him. One word from Mother and he’d keep quiet even as she...There was no denying it was there? Mother...Hadn’t mother magically abused her?

Regina hadn’t been content to be Mother’s doll or plaything. She had her own thoughts and opinions and expressed them. And such views were unfavorable in Mother's eyes. She displayed her skill frequently, wishing to reform Regina into an “obedient” daughter. But Regina wasn’t weak willed the way her father was. She’d need to compromise her wishes at times so Mother would stop strangling her; but, she never lost sight of her sense of self. She knew what she wanted. And what she wanted was very different from what her mother wanted.

But yes...She remembered all those times Mother had levitated her to rip the air from her lungs...Apparently choking her on the ground wasn’t flashy or off putting enough. No..Mother wasn’t one for subtlety.

Now...The comparisons between her old and new life were frightening to think about. Both Mother and Leopold were overbearing. Both wanted a pretty little doll to parrot their ideas, their wishes. And neither one of them would accept her heart’s choice. Regina had to sneak around with Daniel because she knew Mother might very well kill him if she found out. And here with Jefferson...Weren't they in the same situation?

Was Regina a horribly selfish person putting Jefferson in danger like this?! If Leopold found out she loved someone else and that someone was Jefferson...Wouldn’t he kill him too?! No! She couldn’t take that! She couldn’t handle losing another love! Not because of her! The only thing Daniel had done wrong was pick Regina, love her. Because he’d cared, because he’d listened to her like she was a person and considered her thoughts and feelings because he’d smiled so sweetly and kissed her and she’d kissed him back...Because Regina loved and cherished and chose him...His heart was ripped out and crushed! What if...What if a similar fate waited Jefferson?! How long could they keep this a secret?! What if King Leopold discovered the truth?! Would Jefferson be put to the torch or would his head wind up on a chopping block?! What?! NO! She couldn’t take that! She wouldn’t!

Regina was trembling slightly thanks to the horrible imagery when Jefferson made his presence known with the sweet and playful, “Ask”. Her eyes swiveled around to drink him in, bathe in the wonder and glory that was her beloved, her Jefferson.

He rose, holding out his arms to her before bowing theatrically as he was apt to do. Her lips couldn’t help but curl into a smile at that. This was her Jefferson, same as ever. He was safe. He was whole. Nothing..Nothing was ever going to hurt him! She wouldn’t let it! It wouldn’t be like it was with Daniel! She didn’t care what she had to do to protect him! She would give up her life to save his! She wouldn’t even think about it! If Leopold tried anything, she’d stand against him with whatever limited magic she’d mastered! He wasn’t touching Jefferson! He was hers and hers alone!

Regina wondered if Jefferson knew how shaky she was. He didn’t make her come to him but instead he came to her, leaning down to rest his lips against her forehead, touch cool and soothing. She wrapped her arms around him, sighing softly. How comforting his presence was. He alone could make the nightmares disappear. For a moment, he could still her quivering soul. With him, she felt safe, wanted, loved. He was her world. She loved nothing so much as his visits and loathed nothing so much as watching him leave.

“You’re here now!” she assured him, smiling warmly. “That’s more than enough!” He was the dream in a world that had been nothing but a hellish nightmare. Her dreams about him sustained her throughout the day, during their time apart which could be quite long depending upon his work. Sometimes he was gone for months. But her heart wouldn’t shatter because she’d picture his face, his tender smile, the way his fingers rubbed her back, the feel of his lips pressed up against her own, the scent just..everything...So long as she could remember him, she’d weather any storm. She’d always wait for him.

She dreamed of running away, escaping with him, starting up a family and bearing his children. But sadly...These were just fantasies. Leopold was a jealous man. And he was extremely possessive of anything he felt he had a claim to. If Regina should run...He’d tear apart the kingdom looking for her. And to save face, he’d say his queen was abducted. People could be charged with kidnapping or potentially murder if she wasn’t found! How many would die?! Her conscience certainly couldn’t bare the weight of such a burden. And if she was found with Jefferson...He’d be put to death for sure! It was a pipe dream and nothing more. Only death would free her, either Leopold’s or her own.

Regina threw her arms around Jefferson again, squeezing him tightly. “Thank you so much for waiting! I’m really sorry! I hope you weren’t waiting too long!” She’d been gone for a while...She had no idea when he’d even gotten here.

“Lay down with me?” she asked innocently, still clinging to Jefferson. She wanted to curl up with him and forget all about Leopold and her awful night. When Jefferson held her close and they cuddled...It was like the world disappeared. There was just the two of them. No jealous king. No work. No worries. Just Jefferson and Regina, two people hopelessly in love.

Regina simply stood there, waiting for Jefferson’s answer, to hear what he thought, what he believed. Would he even tell her? Or this time would he be the one to end things? Would he insist he didn’t need her anymore? Regina supposed...Neither her or Jefferson were forgiving people. No matter how upset she’d been in the hospital, how frantic, she doubted Jefferson would ever let go of that spiteful, bitter remark she’d so careless spat out in a fit of rage and indignance. She just didn’t understand how he could have the nerve to bother her then when she was losing everything, the only person left who cared anything for her! Couldn’t he have given her space, a moment to grieve and cry? If he’d just come to her a little later...She would have helped! She would have kept her end of the bargain!

Being labeled as the Evil Queen, she was often misunderstood. But she took no pleasure in breaking deals. Rather, it was something to be avoided whenever possible. Yes, Regina put her interests first. If it came between her and someone else (if it wasn’t someone she loved) she’d pick her every time. So no, she wouldn’t lose too much sleep if for whatever reason she couldn’t follow through with her nectarous promises. But she did try her hardest to offer what was agreed upon. It had less to do with being a good person and more a matter of practicality. Those who betrayed others without a second thought were quick to find themselves knee deep in treachery. Why should someone trust you and assist you if your word meant nothing? But for one who kept their deals, they built a good reputation for themselves, fostered trust. And so they could use various parties again for other things.

Yes, Regina had turned into a deceptive creature, using guile and manipulation to get what she wanted, what she felt she was entitled to. But a hidden agenda did not necessarily completely nullify the open one. Regina had never wanted to be hated. Far from it. She’d longed to be loved. It killed her when she first heard the title “Evil Queen”. She’d been forced to embrace it to distance herself from people, to put up walls around her heart so the cruel words could no longer sting. Even as she accepted the name as unfair as she found it, there was always that tiny part, the piece of her heart she couldn’t quite smother and strangle herself that did wish for love and affection, acceptance. So often times..She didn’t just pretend to like someone. If she seemed nice, she often did actually want to be liked back. Of course...That wasn’t always the case. Some people really were just pawns to be played with, tools to fulfill her schemes.

She’d twist minds, bend wills to hers through sweet words of manipulation. You could typically build better allies if you offered someone their heart’s desire and had them charge ahead willingly, hoping to receive the honeyed fruit you promised. Regina’s promises were usually sincere. Keeping one's word ensured loyalty. You never knew when you could use someone’s help again. Good for business. But she wouldn’t cry herself to sleep if for some reason or other she couldn’t follow through on her end of the bargain. Tears were weakness. And yet...Here they were..tears trickling down her cheek. She furiously dabbed at her eyes, willing them to stop.

Here...Jefferson was forever the exception. She had cried herself to sleep after breaking both deals with him. It didn’t matter that one was for his protection and the other was destroyed because she was simply in no state to fulfill it or think about anything besides Henry. Jefferson...He was forever the one person she didn’t wish hurt however much she tried to deny that even to herself. Now...At her limit, at her weakest, depression threatening to swallow her whole, she couldn’t rationalize her feelings away. She still...felt something for Jefferson. That was why at her worst, at her most vulnerable, she always came to him like now even as she didn’t know what she was looking for. He was the answer. He was always the answer to the question she didn’t even know how to formulate.

Yes...She’d come to him for many things over the years. But he was wrong! She’d come to him for redemption! No...She hadn’t phrased it like that but...When she waited for him as Leopold’s miserable wife...He was her redemption. Because of him, she could cling to her kind heart a little longer. She could believe in Snow’s goodness. She regretted her bitter feelings towards the girl, understanding to some extent that Mother was the monster who had used and manipulated Snow. Deep down, she knew it had been an accident, that Snow had been deceived. With Jefferson..He gave her so much. Being with him, it was like being forgiven for her dark thoughts, her crumpled heart. He breathed new life into it, helped her see all the sweet, wonderful things multiple worlds had to offer.

But there was no point in correcting him. She doubted he’d believe it and...It just hurt too much to think of, all the things that had gone wrong. How...How had they even gotten to this point? Once he was hers and she his and no matter how awful the world seemed, his smile was enough. He could make her happy. And she could make him smile and laugh. Now...She didn’t even know what they were doing to each other, what they felt.  But surely...It was sick and twisted, just like her tarnished soul.

Regina might be quick to dismiss others’ needs in general but not Jefferson’s. His were important. She’d given him a mansion, everything he could want. She’d tried to give him Grace! She’d..failed there likely given the nature of the curse. But it wasn’t for lack of trying! It wasn’t something that was simple to fix after the curse was cast and there was no magic in this land! It had taken her years and years to even realize she could convert magic into other magic. Not like she would admit such weakness to Jefferson even now. Today..It wasn’t the time for that story. She had to leave quickly. If someone caught Regina with Jefferson...Who knew what they would do to him! They’d probably assume he was collaborating with her, protecting a vicious murderer!

His question was rhetorical; but, she couldn’t help but wince at the blatant display of acidity, tartness. She knew where this was going and...She didn’t like it! But...She’d come to him and he had every right to say his peace. All she could do was listen and try to be grateful that he hadn’t kicked her out yet.

The gratitude ran thin at the word Henry. She didn’t want to think about her son now! He didn’t believe in her! He honestly thought she was this irredeemable evil queen figure, a heartless murderer, a monster!

Regina shook slightly when he laughed and said it must be a dreadful thing. The sound had hardly been jovial but it hit a nerve. Yes...Dreadful didn’t begin to cover it. But did he stop?! Oh no! He kept on going. By the time he got to the word liar, tears were freely flowing down her cheek again.

Her vision was blurred...But she could see well enough to know he was circling her. She didn’t move. Why should she? She just...She didn’t even know what to do.

Eventually he stopped and moved in closer, the way he used to, completely denying any personal space bubble. But here...It wasn’t a comforting gesture. She didn’t know what it was. She felt like a broken record today. Didn’t know. Didn’t know. Didn’t know.

Her slight shaking grew into a violent tremble when he commented on what a horrible thing it was for a parent to endure.

His final question...She just didn’t even know what to say...Why did she care what he believed? Why was it so important? Why did she care so much? But she couldn’t keep silent. He’d asked but...

She swallowed hard, coaxing her tongue to work. “I asked you first!” Her tone was defiant and fierce even as she stood there shuddering, tears pouring from her eyes, shattered vessels leaking broken dreams. “Jefferson...Do you believe me?” This time her voice was so soft that Jefferson wouldn’t have been able to hear it had he not been nearly pressed up against her.

You...Hardly a warm greeting. But then she hadn’t expected one to begin with. That was why she’d used the skeleton keys because she hadn’t even been certain he’d let her in if she rang the doorbell. She could hardly blame him. He didn’t understand the full reasoning behind Wonderland. And she was in no state to explain it to him now. And even if she did, after all the betrayals...Would he even believe her? And if he did, would he even care? Regardless of reasons, she’d separated him from his daughter and left him at Mother’s mercy. She understood better than anyone else what a monster Mother was. But...She’d been scared.

In her desperation, she’d been paying much more attention to the Dark Curse Rumple had idly handed her. Well..It hadn’t been idle. But he’d been much more eager than Regina. She might not be Rumple level magic scholar but...Magic always comes with a price. She knew that. She’d lost track of how many damn times Rumple had told her that. She’d gotten the memo. Although Rumple thought she never really drunk it in. That wasn’t quite true. She was simply always willing to pay the price because she needed magic. And she'd be willing to pay it without fully understanding what it was.

For something called the “Dark Curse”, she figured the price would be steep. So she’d been hoping she wouldn’t have to resort to that. But countless failures had forced her to actually contemplate the curse. She knew a heart needed to be sacrificed. And for the curse to end all curses...She’d feared not just any heart would do. It might very well be the heart of the thing she loved most. Jefferson and her weren’t together by that point. No...Things had ended...rather poorly. Jefferson had gotten married, had a kid even. Yes...He’d built himself a fine family. Regina didn’t particularly want to think about the rage that consumed her when she’d first found out. She’d felt...forgotten, unnecessary, disposable...something left behind to fade away into nothingness, dissolve in the sands of time. But the severe pain was just proof of the intensity of her feelings, of the love they’d once shared. So yes...She knew she still cared about him. More than her father...The one who’d looked out for her happiness, the one who had saved her with his sweet smiles and tender touch, the one who had helped with Leopold and freed her...It was Jefferson. She cherished his heart above all others.

Her heart had grown darker, blackened since their separation. With them apart, she was terrified that one day at her wits end, she’d cast the curse, consequences be damned. She was an emotional creature, prone to fits of whimsy which could be useful or detrimental. And with her power...She didn’t want to do something she couldn’t reverse, that she’d regret forever. One day...Snow might push her too far. She might truly feel like she’d lost everything and that her only chance at happiness rest with the Dark Curse. She might give into her darker impulses likely with a nudge from Rumple. And then Jefferson would...

Mother’s scheme as dreadful and painful as it was, provided opportunity. It gave Regina a way to rescue her father and keep Jefferson safe. She very much doubted Jefferson had given Regina’s actions all that much thought, being consumed by hate the way he was. But she’d known the rules coming in. How could she not? Jefferson had taken her so many places. So..That being the case, why wouldn’t she have brought a guard or just some random person to leave behind in Father’s stead? It didn’t have to be Jefferson. And Jefferson valued family as much as her. There should have been no reason to lie to him. They’d...had their issues. But Jefferson understood how much of monster Mother was. Well..He couldn’t truly comprehend, not the way Regina had. How could he? He hadn’t lived in her oppressive household for years and years. But he knew about what she’d done to Daniel. And he saw the heart vault so..he could at least hazard a guess. Surely if she’d explained what happened, he’d willingly agree to help rescue Father.

But then nothing would be solved. Yes, she’d get her father back. But then what? Jefferson would still be in danger. He was the last person she wanted to hurt. But..of course she’d have to hurt him either way. But with the curse, he’d come back, be reunited with his daughter.

Jefferson thought she’d chosen her father over him. But really..It was the other way around. Jefferson’s heart was the one she’d protected. Her father’s was the one she sacrificed.

She...In the end she wasn’t sure if she could leave him there. He’d begged and pleaded and mentioned his daughter. She’d hesitated but...She had to save him! So long as he was in the Enchanted Forest and Snow was free...There was no telling what Regina would do in a fit of passion. And...Regina was lonely. Father would at least stay by her side. And..It had been Jefferson’s choice! He had been the one to leave Grace for riches. He should have understood that family was more important! Yes...She was rationalizing and knew it. There had been an easier answer hadn’t there been? Really...What had this curse done for her happiness? Maybe she would have been better off just trying to fix things with Jefferson to begin with. What?! What in the world was she thinking?! Yes...She felt weak and desperate at the moment; but, she couldn’t change what she’d done, couldn’t go back! So this sort of reflection was not only pointless but detrimental! It would stop NOW!

What had she done? She didn’t even know what he was asking. Was he talking about the Dark Curse? Or was he asking why she was so upset now?

And then he repeated the question, throwing the word hell into the mix, tone much more angry and far less civil. But..It was warranted.

It was an accident! She’d given him a nice mansion, anything he could ever dream of. But it wasn’t right! It was supposed to be for him and Grace both! It was supposed to be an indirect apology for Wonderland. But..This was the curse to end all curses. And it wasn’t exactly something she could test run. Maybe you couldn’t circumvent the curse for anyone. Maybe part of the price was that everyone suffered..including her. Rumple had warned her. Maybe..Maybe she should have listened. Maleficent too..She’d begged Regina not to do this to soldier on naturally.  She'd said quite clearly that this wouldn’t make her happy. Her only friend...And Regina had gone back on their agreement, snatched back the curse because she’d thought she’d needed it. Now she wondered.

“I cast the Dark Curse,” she said smoothly, seamlessly, sounding much more like her old self, confident, poised.

“It’s not to your liking?” she asked coyly. Why?! What was wrong with her?! That’s not what she wanted to say! Not at all! This wasn’t why she’d come here! But...She was so used to never revealing weakness after all those years as the ‘Evil Queen’. Now...Had she entirely lost the ability to open up to people?